


Shattered Walls

by gaysakurapetals



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Asocial!Haru, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Identity Issues, M/M, Makoto is mistaken for a delinquent but he's not because he's too much of a sweetie, Shy!Makoto, Slow Build, transfer student au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2018-04-25 20:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4975816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaysakurapetals/pseuds/gaysakurapetals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto’s eyes visibly softened and his eyelashes, dripping with raindrops, fluttered as he shut his eyes and let out a pure, unadulterated laugh,  a sound that seemed so <em>free</em>--a sound Haruka had never heard the likes of before, ever, in the 17 years of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rain

Everything seemed like such a hassle to Nanase Haruka.

People everywhere were always trying to constrain him in some way. They would reach out and grab him, pulling him at all sides, their words of false comfort and promises caressing his shoulders, his arms, and then digging their nails into his palms, forcibly pinning him down.

As a result, Haruka would avoid people and any sort of commitment as much as possible. “It’s easier this way,” Haruka would think to himself as he buried himself in his book or immersed himself in the world outside of his classroom window. No one to meddle with his life, no one to force him to do anything he didn’t want to do. This was how he liked things best.

Haruka was gazing out at nothing beyond his window when _he_ first entered his life.

There was a new transfer student, and as always when one of those came, whispers and voices laced with artificial, temporary awe would surround him. Haruka couldn’t care less as the silhouette of a very tall boy walked into the room, a blur of brown and tanned skin that appeared in his peripheral vision.

“Starting today, Tachibana Makoto-san, a transfer student from Tokyo, will be your new classmate. Please give him a warm welcome. Tachibana-san, please introduce yourself?”

The whispers and the murmurs grew. Haruka refused to look away from nothing.

A shaky, yet tender voice rang in his ears. “H-Hello. My name is Tachibana Makoto. Please take care of me.” The silhouette in the corner of his eyes bowed deeply, and the rest of his classmates erupted with applause and sounds of delight. Haruka continued to stare at nothing, thinking deeply about what was beyond; clear blue skies, water, the peace of being alone in his bath--

It seems he missed something rather important in the last few minutes as the new boy suddenly sat beside him. Normally, Haruka wouldn’t react, but the sound of him pushing back his chair was so loud, it jarred him out of his thoughts. For the entire year, the extra desk beside him was simply that--an extra--no one had ever filled it, nor had anyone ever wanted to.

Haruka’s instincts betrayed him as his attention was briefly snatched by the boy next to him--a boy with calm, gentle green eyes, and messy, disheveled brunette hair.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Nanase-san,” Tachibana Makoto smiled politely, and Haruka gave him one brief nod before returning his gaze to the window, hoping, more than anything, that this boy got the hint that he shouldn’t even try to break through the walls he surrounded himself in, walls so thick and opaque, that nothing, not even those green eyes, could penetrate.

*****

To Haruka’s relief, each day passed by peacefully. Unlike so many others, Makoto seemed to respect Haruka’s boundaries and never pried him for any personal information in an attempt to be friends. He never once asked anything from him that would distract him from his daily reverie in class. Haruka slowly let the tension in his shoulders dissipate, and eventually, it was as if nothing had ever happened.

One day, however, Makoto stepped into the classroom and the voices that Haruka was so used to had suddenly ceased. Makoto towered over the others in his class, and so it was difficult to avoid noticing him and his heavy footsteps as he slowly dragged his chair back and took a seat. Haruka felt oppressive stares from every direction, and with irritation, he glanced over at what was causing such an abnormality within his day.

His lips parted slightly as he took in the sight before him. Makoto, whose hair was already unkempt, seemed even more disorderly; the tips and fringes of his bangs clumsily stuck out in places which were normally straightened, and his eyes were half-lidded and tired as his classmates stared relentlessly at the bandages on his cheeks and on his neck.

Haru quickly looked away and feigned disinterest.

“I knew he’d be a delinquent; look at how big he is! A city boy too...he would get into a lot of fights there, and now he’s dragged those with him to Iwatobi..”

“Better stay away. Don’t want to get involved with him.”

“I was going to recruit him onto the basketball team because of his height; but who ever could’ve imagined that he’d be like this? Can’t have someone like that on our team.”

Haruka’s stomach churned in nausea and his brows furrowed in disgust. He tried to block the image of bandages and unkempt hair, of green eyes which seemed to almost glow with more ferocity and passion than before.

They burned into him, slowly, agonizingly, until they were all he could see outside of his window.

*****

Despite Haruka’s attempts not to involve himself whatsoever with Tachibana Makoto, Haruka couldn’t help but notice that Makoto remained alone throughout the rest of that week without protest. He simply sat up straight in his desk and paid attention to class almost like a dutiful, robotic soldier, taking in every word and not letting any personal thoughts interrupt the task before him. During lunch, while Haruka was silently eating his lunch on the rooftop, Makoto silently stepped through the door and sat on the edge of the rail across from him, once again, respecting Haruka’s boundaries as he too, ate alone.

Haruka began to think that maybe, rather than simply being respectful, Tachibana Makoto had walls of his own.

*****

It happened on a Friday filled with rain.

Haruka yawned as he picked up his dark blue umbrella and pushed it open above his head, strolling calmly through the street devoid of people. He had unintentionally taken a nap in the library after school as he was reading a mystery novel he randomly picked up from the shelf, wanting to be distracted by anything, anything at all.

He shoved a hand into one pocket as his footsteps made small, tumultuous ripples in the puddle-filled street before him, quietly reveling in the rain and the feeling of surrounded by water, the only thing that seemed to understand him.

Haruka let his mind wander as he walked off in the direction of his empty home, relishing the sound of water hitting cement and the silence of the empty street. He was in the middle of daydreaming about how wonderful his bath at home would be when suddenly, a rustle from a nearby tree and a surprised shout pierced through the silence, quickly followed by a loud splash.

Haruka’s body seemed to act on its own as he instantly turned to the source of the noise, his senses alert as his eyes rapidly focused on the body sprawled before him.

“Ouch,” a familiar voice came from a familiar body, but the voice was hoarser and scratchier than he remembered. Tachibana Makoto’s long legs were stretched at awkward angles on the cement and his tangled hair was plastered to his forehead with the rain as he scrunched up his face, breathing heavily as his body recovered from the impact. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open, and he quickly lifted his head up to stare at the ball of wet fluff on his chest, which lifted up its head and let out a screechy meow before hopping off of him, scurrying off to find shelter in the rain.

Makoto’s eyes visibly softened and his eyelashes, dripping with raindrops, fluttered as he shut his eyes and let out a pure, unadulterated laugh, a sound that seemed so _free_ \--a sound that Haruka had never heard the likes of before, ever, in the 17 years of his life.

Haruka stared at him dumbly as Makoto sighed and slowly stood up, brushing off the dirt from his uniform, apparently not noticing his classmate standing in shock beside him. It was only then that Haruka noticed that Makoto’s face had even more scratches and cuts then before; it was then that Haruka realized why those bandages were placed haphazardly on his face that day.

After what seemed like an eternity but was actually a split-second, Makoto suddenly tensed and looked up in surprise at the boy next to him, but the stiffness of his posture soon relaxed, just a little, once he recognized who exactly it was.

“H-Hello, Nanase-san! I’m sorry if I startled you--I was just--the cat. If I see one in trouble, I can’t resist, and my body acts on its own…” Makoto let out a nervous laugh as he scratched the back of his drenched head, and glanced to the side sheepishly. His eyes darkened slightly as he added, “I apologize, I know it’s strange--just--just don’t tell anyone, okay?”

Haruka still stood there, dumbstruck, as his reeling mind attempted to register both the situation and his words. This boy, a well-built, strong-looking boy who towered over the rest of his classmates and took all of those insults and judgments without ever showing any signs of distress, was moved so easily by a stray animal caught in a tree in the rain. Because of this, he climbed into the tree, paying no mind to his physical condition as he rescued the little animal and set it free to return to its home. Haruka’s mind was growing increasingly filled with more and more confusion as he realized that Makoto was actually afraid that he would tell anyone. _Him?_ Talk to others, and even more, tell them something about someone else when all this time, he’s been avoiding people for so long? Had Makoto not been sitting in the seat next to him in class this entire time, not bearing witness to the way Haruka carries himself and the way Haruka steadfastly holds onto his solitude?

Haruka swallowed and remembered that Makoto was still waiting for him to respond, getting more and more drenched in the heavy rain. He was still trying to process everything, however, when Makoto shifted uncomfortably and grabbed his soaked bookbag.

“I’ll-I’ll get going, now. H-Have a nice weekend, Nanase-san--”

“Where is your umbrella?” Haruka blurted.

Makoto stopped still and blinked slowly, apparently not expecting his words, either.

“I-I forgot it at home today.”

“It’ll be troublesome if you catch a cold. I don’t mind sharing, if it’s just for today.” Haruka’s words seem to fumble and his world seemed to lose focus; what in the _world_ was he saying?

Makoto’s mouth opened and closed, as if he couldn’t piece together the words either, and he swallowed and wrapped his arms tightly around himself as if for protection.

“I--no, I couldn’t possibly--my home is just a few minutes away, there’s no need--”

“So is mine. It’s easier this way,” Haruka quickly responded, biting his lip as his mind raced and his heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest, and although the rain was cold it felt like each drop burned as it sunk into his skin. Speechless, Makoto slowly nodded and shuffled awkwardly as he moved to crouch under Haruka’s umbrella. Slowly, shakily, Haruka and Makoto began to walk forward.

A crack had formed in Haruka’s walls.


	2. Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gripped a pencil and started sketching, his dry, sleep-deprived eyes stubbornly staying open as he let these impulsive, inexplicable emotions spill out onto the paper. The mess he felt morphed into an image he knew so well, it was as if it was painted on the back of his eyelids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Homophobia and violence up ahead. 
> 
> I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE, YOU GUYS. It gets worse before it gets better.

A soft, musical laugh.

“Here, let me hold it,” Makoto gently offered his hand towards Haruka’s, which was awkwardly struggling to position the umbrella in a way that accommodated Makoto’s height. Haruka stared at the hand that seemed to dwarf his own--a hand calloused and strong, yet delicate and inviting. He swallowed and gave in, hesitating before shifting the umbrella towards Makoto, whose smile widened as he took it and raised it higher so that it covered them both, the rain bouncing harmlessly around them.

His heart pounding, Haruka’s eyes quickly returned to the street slick with rain before them, still not quite believing what was happening. What was he doing? Haruka desperately sought a logical answer to this as the past few events flickered intermittently in his mind, each picture clicking into place. Him walking in the street, minding his own business. Makoto falling out of a tree, releasing a cat trapped within its branches. Makoto without an umbrella. Him offering to share his own umbrella. Perhaps it simply was the right thing to do. But, that itself wasn’t an adequate reason. It all seemed so bizarre.

Haruka almost hit his head on the edge of his umbrella before suddenly realizing that Makoto’s footsteps had ceased. They were on the familiar-looking porch of a petite, cream-colored house, now, underneath a sliver of rooftop that protected the ground underneath from the rain. Haruka’s mouth ran dry.

“This is my stop,” Makoto said lightly, as if making a joke, and handed the umbrella back to Haruka. “Nanase-san--”

Before he could finish, however, Haruka swiped the umbrella from his hand and darted down the street, his figure covered by the bobbing of his umbrella as he receded further and further--but not too far. Haruka made a sharp turn to the left and climbed the stairs Makoto had gotten used to seeing every morning, and disappeared into the house that they led to. Makoto stood in front of his porch, gaping.

Haruka, just slipping inside his home, gasped as if he just emerged from being held underwater. He breathed deeply and slid down his door until he was seated on his floor, his body feeling like lead against the wooden surface. He dropped his umbrella to the ground, the sound of the rain and his heartbeat deafening to his ears.

Grimacing, he forced himself back up and began to slowly strip, his fingers shaking as he unbuttoned his shirt and then slipped off his pants and underwear, discarding them haphazardly into the hallway as he made his way to his bathroom.

_He’s so close._

He switched on the faucet and slid heavily into his tub as it slowly filled with water, the only thing that he knew that could possibly calm him down.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, his heartbeat refusing to calm itself as the thought repeated itself over and over again, relentlessly, in his tumultuous mind.

 _He’s so close_ , Haruka thought wildly to himself, his eyes fluttering open to stare bewildered at the ceiling as he pictured the house next door that was always an inconspicuous constant in his life; it was a place he knew existed, but never paid attention to until now.

 _Do I pity him?_ Haruka wondered to himself, but quickly, with a worrisome intensity, he knew the answer: _no_. What was it then? What was it about Tachibana Makoto that compelled him to act so unlike himself?

His heart rate accelerated and Haruka found it difficult to breathe as he attempted to calm the turmoil of emotions within his body. Refusing to dwell on this frightening sensation any longer, Haruka willed all these thoughts to vanish from his mind. He was somewhat successful.

 _It won’t happen again,_ Haruka resolved, sitting up in his tub, almost defiantly. Haruka was Haruka, and no matter what Makoto did, he would remain the same as he always was.

***** 

Haruka lay on his bed, wide awake. He stared up at the ceiling with his eyes glazed over with a scene replaying over and over again--a scene filled with rain, a frightened cat, and laughter that was unbounded, free. Haruka swallowed and turned his head to the side, gazing out of another one of his windows that brought him peace. This time, however, the stars only made his heart pound harder.

Haruka bit his lip and sat up, refusing to think. His veins were filled with an inescapable feeling, and the feeling filled his core to the tips of his fingertips. It was as if his hands were seized by a force unbeknownst to him as he grabbed his worn-out sketchbook and opened it up swiftly, switching on his lamp. He gripped a pencil and started sketching, his dry, sleep-deprived eyes stubbornly staying open as he let these impulsive, inexplicable emotions spill out onto the paper. The mess he felt morphed into an image he knew so well, it was as if it was painted on the back of his eyelids. 

*****

Nevertheless, acting like nothing had ever happened wasn’t easy.

From Monday onward, Haruka had difficulty focusing whenever Makoto entered the room, because once he did, he would make eye contact with him and Makoto would give him a soft, encouraging smile.  “Good morning, Nanase-san,” he would greet him politely, with a mix of both shyness and fondness, and it made Haruka incredibly uncomfortable. Haruka could only muster a nod as he resolutely turned towards his window, but all he could feel was Makoto’s eyes on him.

Haruka even began to eat somewhere else during lunch. Instead of finding solace on the rooftop, he chose to eat in the art room where only a few people chattered and stood around. Usually, they would only spare a few glances at him, but a boy, whom Haruka recognized as the one from his homeroom who called Makoto a delinquent, kept on sauntering around nosily and invading his personal space, clearly annoyed at how Haruka, whom he never saw except in class, now suddenly appeared in a place he claimed as his own. Haruka idly remembered his name to be Jun as he finished the last bit of his mackerel and pulled his sketchbook out from his bag, opening it up on the table before him.

Immediately, Jun emerged from behind him.

“Woah.”

Haruka froze, all the color draining from his face as he realized which page of his sketchbook he had accidentally opened to.

“You know, I think I did see you two sharing an umbrella from my window last Friday, but I wasn’t completely sure….and now…” Jun grimaced, disgusted. “Who knew? Nanase Haruka, the silent freak and Tachibana Makoto, the crazy delinquent are gay for each other--”

He barely heard the rest as he gathered up his things, shoving his sketchbook into his bag as he hurried out the door.

*****

The next morning, something had changed. Haruka didn’t know what it was; perhaps it was something in the air, because Haruka had never had this much trouble breathing. Fear pounded in his chest as he felt a hostile, judgmental gaze shooting arrows into him from Jun, and at the same time, throughout class, Makoto’s eyes were pinned onto him. Haruka could tell without looking that his gaze was with _intent_ , rather than just curiosity. Something was different about him, and Haruka was simply too terrified to turn around and see what it was.

A soft rustle of paper. The scribble of a pen.

As Haruka focused all of his attention on a butterfly that landed on the window sill, he barely registered a white blur slide into the corner of his vision. Stiffly, Haruka let his eyes drift from the butterfly onto the paper.

_How are you?_

Haruka inhaled sharply and his fingers twitched against his cheek as he attempted to appear like he hadn’t noticed a thing.

The large hands he could briefly see beside him were stubborn, and took the piece of paper back for a brief moment. More scribbling and rustling. The paper slid back into his vision.

_I would like to talk to you after class, Nanase-san. If it isn’t too much trouble._

After a few moments of Haruka doing his best to keep his breathing even, Makoto’s hands were more frantic as he began to repeat the same routine, except with a nervousness even Haruka could sense. Before he could finish, however, the bell rang, and Makoto sat up with a jolt as Haruka stood and immediately grasped his bag, his eyes darting to the unfinished note before he could stop himself.

_You took me by surprise the last time we spoke. I was hoping we’d be able to talk again, but I haven’t seen you very often lately and I am just wondering if you are okay. I only want_

“Nanase-san, I--”

At the sound of Makoto’s voice, Haruka’s eyes tore away from the note and from Makoto as he sped past him, ignoring the tightness he felt in his chest as he slung his bag over his shoulder. Jun, who knew the crime he’d committed in secret two nights before, stared after him. Haruka’s thoughts were running haywire as he felt his Jun’s eyes drive harshly into his back, like daggers.

*****

Makoto just wouldn’t give up.

The next day, Haruka forgot his eraser at home. He stared down at his notebook, biting his lip as he mentally prepared himself for the vigorous erasing he’d have to do with his pencil, since he had quite a lot to fix. Makoto just had to notice.

“Here, Nanase-san,” Makoto smiled at him and offered his own eraser in a friendly gesture, and Haruka, after spending a few seconds debating the matter, finally gave in, cautiously taking the eraser and using it for his benefit. After he was finished, Haruka looked over at Makoto and moved to hand it back to him, but Makoto shook his head and gave him another one of those smiles, telling him that he could use it for the day. Haruka swallowed as his fingers remained closed over the eraser, because no matter how much he was afraid that more people like Jun would misunderstand, he couldn’t say no to that smile.

Later that day, Haruka sneezed embarrassingly loudly, and as he opened his eyes he saw a pack of tissues held out in front of him.

“Here.”

Haruka swallowed, fear now controlling his every move as he knew that Jun was watching them from across the room. He furrowed his brows and allowed himself to glare at Makoto, angry at him for exacerbating the predicament he himself had no idea he was involved in. Makoto blinked at him, taken aback. Haruka shook his head as if in explanation, rubbing at his nose with his sleeve and casting his eyes onto his paper.

Tachibana Makoto was too meddlesome for his own good.

*****

During lunch, Haruka, feeling utterly exhausted from putting more effort into his mask than he normally did, walked silently along the crowded corridors until he found the place where he knew he would be left alone.

He slid open its door and closed it gently behind him, letting the silence of the library surround him and swallow him whole. His steps were all he listened to as he found a corner hidden by lines of bookshelves, and there he sat, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them close to his chest. His arms tightened around himself as breathing finally became easier. He closed his eyes, letting his head knock against the dusty tomes behind him.

_This is safe._

Haruka has never been so jolted out of place by the presence of one person, by someone’s eyes, and by the memory of them. Never before had anyone so adamantly refused to let Haruka blend into the background, which is something he, until now, was successful at for years. At that, Jun’s disgusted look suddenly appeared into his mind. Because of a stupid mistake he made, Haruka was now thrust out into the open, and now, he was no longer untouchable. Never before had Haruka felt so afraid.

As the clock ticked the seconds away, all of Haruka’s anger and confusion towards Makoto and fear towards Jun finally settled into despair and frustration with himself. _It’s my fault_ , Haruka thought to himself, _I shouldn’t have helped him that day._

Once Haruka brought back the instance of “that day,” the image of it once again appeared on the back of his closed eyelids, and at the sight of that smile, his heart burned.

*****

After an agonizing day of Haruka steadfastly ignoring Makoto, he kept his silence once the bell rang and students filed out the door. Once the classroom was empty and the menacing presence of Jun was gone, he calmly stood up as he picked up his bag. If he took notice of how Makoto was sitting very still in his desk, his green eyes pouring into his averted ones, he didn’t let it show.

“Nanase-san.”

Haruka swallowed and his feet shuffled awkwardly as he attempted to shift out of the way and run into the hallway, but Makoto stood up and out of his chair faster than he could collect himself and his vision became filled with the broadness of his torso.

“Wait--!”

Haruka collided into Makoto’s chest as he was in the middle of closing and slipping his bag onto his shoulder, and consequently it jerked away from his hands, his heavy sketchbook falling out and toppling over onto its spine, spreading open as it fell onto its back. Haruka, gasping for breath as he jumped back from the impossible warmth that was Makoto, froze once he saw what was displayed on the pages before him.

Makoto was still as he took in the lines and colors that unmistakably matched those of his own face--except, the face that was drawn below had nothing tense in it--just a beautiful, laughing smile and raindrops that made his skin glimmer.

Everything Haruka was seeing was bright red. The sun was setting just outside the window, and Makoto’s face was a shade even brighter as he slowly reached down to pick up Haruka’s sketchbook.

“N-Nanase-san--”

Once Makoto spoke, Haruka was jolted back into reality, embarrassment and shame clamping themselves, like chains, tightly around his bones, his skin--until every crevice of his body was filled with them. He seized the sketchbook and clamped it shut, holding it close to his chest as he surged forward and past him, running faster than he did on that day when he arrived at Makoto’s house.

“Please, Nanase-san--!”

“Leave me alone!”  He cried out, and as he ran, the words he spoke himself cut into him like needles, carving out his insides once he arrived, exhausted, at his empty home.

*****

People whispered.

Haruka was stone still as he barely registered whatever it was that existed outside of his window, hearing bits and pieces of the conversations of those around him.

“...No wonder he never talks to girls.”

“Well, he doesn’t exactly talk to _anyone_ …”

“Except for Tachibana, apparently.”

“Do you think it’s true? I mean, they were sharing an umbrella...and I heard they always eat lunch together....”

“It’s gross...I’ve never understood people like that…”

The door slid open, and Haruka stiffened even more than he already was, holding his breath as his stomach twisted itself into ropes, over and over.

The whispers grew quiet. Once again, Makoto’s footsteps were loud and heavy in his ears, but not with the same heaviness he remembered from before. This time, Makoto didn’t know why they were silent.

Haruka felt like he was going to throw up as Makoto’s tall silhouette came closer to him, and finally took his seat beside him.

“Fag.”

Haruka’s eyes jerked towards Jun who let out the word he dreaded the most, his world sinking around him until the only things that existed were these monsters, surrounding him and Makoto.

Makoto was still, his body quickly turning tense.

“...Excu--?”

“You heard me. You’re a fag. You both are, and you’re disgusting,” Jun spat out at them, emerging from the students who murmured amongst themselves, shocked at Jun but also wary of the two boys sitting down in front of them.

“Yeah. I don’t know how you could be more fucked up than you already are, but stop displaying it so much in front of us,” His nameless friend butt in, and Haruka felt bile rise up in his throat. Makoto remained silent, his hands tightening into fists as his green eyes grew dark, rapidly scanning the crowd in front of him as he processed exactly what was happening.

“Especially you!” Jun walked over to Haruka and slammed his hands onto the desk, causing Haruka to jump back. “You’ve never talked to anyone, and now you go on your hands and knees for _this_ guy? You’re the most disgusting one of all.”

Haruka swallowed heavily and blinked rapidly, his face growing more and more pale as the seconds passed. His heart slammed against his rib cage as all eyes were zeroing in on him. All he wanted to do was disappear.

“It’s not right. You’re not--you’re not normal.”

Haruka closed his eyes.

“Damn it, Nanase, answer me--!”

A chair was suddenly pushed back, screeching against the wooden floor.

“Don’t touch him.”

Haruka’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Makoto’s voice, his jaw dropping as took in the scene before him.

Makoto towered over Jun, his hand wrapped tightly around his wrist in a vice-like grip, as Jun’s arm was swung back, his palm splayed open, ready to deliver a blow to Haruka’s face.

Haruka couldn’t breathe.

“E-Excuse me?” Jun stammered, his eyes wide as he never acknowledged the extent of Makoto’s height, of his physical strength, until it was bearing down upon him.

“I said, don’t touch him. I don’t care what you say about me, but don’t include him. He’s done nothing wrong.”

Jun’s mouth opened and closed for a few moments before he grit his teeth, suddenly beginning to thrash underneath Makoto has he struggled to free himself of his grip.

“You’re just admitting it, then! Let me go--! Guys--!”

Haruka blanched and sucked in a sharp breath that rattled his bones as he heard a sickening blow make its way from Jun’s friend’s knee to Makoto’s stomach. Makoto grunted in pain, his hand immediately releasing Jun’s wrist. Makoto went down on his knees, and Jun swung his leg back and kicked Makoto onto his side, and the rest of his friends eagerly joined in.

“You bastard--!”

Gasps and protests immediately began to arise from the crowd, but Haruka could barely hear them as he struggled to stand, his eyes wide.

“Stop--”

Makoto curled in on himself, shielding his face and his stomach as their feet struck at him repeatedly, bruises beginning to show on his skin.

“STOP IT--!”

Right when Haruka was about to throw himself at the throng of students, the door slammed open and their homeroom teacher, along with others, stormed into the room, pushing her way past the crowd and stretching out her arms against the assaulting boys, whose strength was significantly reduced at the sight of authority.

“Stop it, right now!” She yelled, her face stern, and the other teachers went and gripped the other struggling boys more firmly, preventing them from moving any further.

“Someone help him to the nurse’s office,” she commanded, and it took Haruka a few seconds to collect himself.

“I’ll do it,” Haruka croaked, his voice hoarse from yelling, and he leaned down to carefully wrap his arm around Makoto’s heavy torso, slinging his arm around his shoulder. Haruka struggled to stand for a few moments underneath his weight, but then Makoto’s feet firmly pressed against the ground, allowing him to stand a bit higher and lessen the burden.

Haruka stared at him incredulously as Makoto coughed and gave him a small smile, and in the endless green of his eyes, a message:

_I’ve got you._

Haruka swallowed, his face feeling warm again after feeling like all the blood had been drained from his body. He looked away, stepping forward and out of the classroom with Makoto draped over him, and yet, in Makoto’s arms. Suddenly, the stares meant almost nothing to him anymore. All he needed was to get Makoto out of there and somewhere safe.

*****

Makoto’s eyes slowly blinked open, blearily registering the white ceiling above him and the light of the setting sun filtering out from the window and onto the sheets covering his bandaged body. Examining the bandages on his wrists and reaching up to lightly touch the ones on his face, he laughed quietly to himself. _Now I really seem like a delinquent._

Suddenly, he felt a shift in the weight of someone beside him, and his head jerked towards the movement, his eyes widening.

Haruka blinked up at him, rubbing at his eyes as he sat up from the uncomfortable position he clearly took a nap in, and Makoto’s heart swelled.

*****

“Are you okay?” Makoto’s voice was deep, and warm, as it always was; however, this time, it seemed worn out at the edges--torn in places Haruka could and couldn’t see.

Haruka blinked rapidly, in disbelief that Makoto, bed-ridden and covered in injuries, was asking _Haruka_ if he was okay.

He shakily took in a deep breath, tightening his hands into fists as he gripped the bed sheets, crying out in his mind: _It’s my fault, it’s my fault you’re here, why are you doing this, why do you care about me?_

“Why?” Haruka managed, squeezing his eyes shut, his voice weak and filled with tears that were about to come.

Makoto did not move. “Why what?” he asked gently, and Haruka let out a shuddering sigh, his eyes burning.

“Why are you doing this?” Haruka finally allowed the question he’s silently been wondering ever since he’s met Makoto, ever since Makoto wouldn’t give up on him despite the walls Haruka so vehemently put up to block his path. He braced himself for the answer.

It was silent for an agonizing moment, until Haruka heard the soft rustle of bed sheets coming not so far away from him, Makoto sitting up against the pillows.

“I...I wanted to thank you,” Makoto said quietly, his voice softer than Haruka’s ever heard before, and Haruka’s eyes fluttered open, his heart stopping in his chest.

“For helping me that day. All week I’ve been trying to tell you, but you kept on running away,” Makoto chuckled to himself, and winced a bit as the movement itself caused him pain. Haruka leaned forward, instinctively concerned for him, but Makoto’s eyes froze him in place.

“It was the right thing to do.”

_I didn’t want them to hurt you anymore._

Makoto’s eyes were impossibly warm and bright, and conveyed this so strongly, Haruka didn’t know how he was able to immediately and completely understand it to the extent that he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was utterly captured, ensnared, and consumed by him and him alone, and all the logic and thousands of excuses Haruka came up with to distance himself from Makoto vanished in the blink of an eye.

Haruka felt himself undo at the seams, feeling bare and naked in front of him, but at the same time, a heavy burden lifted itself off of his shoulders. The tightness of his position loosened and he felt weak, wetting his lips as he looked down at his hands, his bangs shrouding his face.

After a few moments of silence, Haruka heard Makoto shift again.

“...Nanase-sa--?”

“Haru.”

“...What?”

“Nanase-san is too much of a hassle. So is Haruka. So just...call me Haru,” Haru breathed out, his voice tremulous as he felt his heart spill open onto the white sheets in front of them, painting the space between him and Makoto a dark, dark red.

It was silent again, and out of nervousness, Haru glanced up at Makoto, wondering, beyond anything else, what he thought. He searched for it in Makoto’s eyes, and found the answer in the way the corners of his eyes crinkled as a wide smile spread across his face, making his heart stop once again.

“...Thank you, Haru.”

Haru’s world was filled with green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW...to be honest, I did not expect writing this to be so heavy. My original plan for this chapter was much more light-hearted, but once I started writing it it came out to be this mess. 
> 
> I apologize for taking so long to update! This month has been crazy for me, but I should be able to update more often. There might be another delay in the future since once the new year starts, I'll be incredibly busy up until early February. No matter what happens, you guys, I do aim to finish this fic! 
> 
> Thanks for your support.


	3. Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let me turn off the lights real quick,” he whispered, and Haru nodded as Makoto got up and flicked off the switches. All of a sudden, aside from the lights on the Christmas tree, the room was filled a soft blue glow. Haru looked up and saw the source: blue glow-in-the-dark stars were scattered across the ceiling. It took Haru's breath away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone. :)

The norms of Haru’s daily life began to change, and Haru wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

Ever since the incident, Haru had fallen into a new routine of sorts: at lunch, every day, he sat on the rooftop to eat with Makoto. It took him a considerable amount of time to understand that they were now friends, and just recently he'd started to make an effort towards figuring out how this "friendship" thing really worked. Frankly, however, he honestly just wanted to make things easier for Makoto.   
  
*****  
  
 _"From what I understand, you two are victims of bullying," Mrs. Amakata, their homeroom teacher, stated. "Although they tried to set you two up as the perpetrators, it was obvious that wasn't the case." She finished, gesturing sympathetically towards Makoto's bandaged face. Makoto nodded stiffly._  
  
 _"Jun and his friends are suspended for three weeks for disorderly conduct and bullying." Mrs. Amakata looked pained. "I'm...I'm sorry. I tried to extend it, but that was all. If they ever bother you again, however," Her expression solidified, turning into one of determination. "Let me know. They will for sure be expelled."_  
  
 _Haru was speechless at how much their homeroom teacher cared for them, despite barely knowing anything about them. Makoto's expression was one of relieved gratitude, a soft smile gracing his tired features._  
  
 _"Thank you, Amakata-sensei. We appreciate your kindness."_  
  
 _Haru was slightly taken aback and a little irritated that Makoto spoke for him, but he also felt a strange sense of relief. Haru was still bewildered at how Makoto seemed to understand him and his feelings, although he barely knew him._  
  
 _It scared Haru._  
  
 _Mrs. Amakata smiled at that and waved her hand in dismissal. "Once again, let me know if anyone tries to bother you. Be safe and enjoy your lunch."_  
  
 _Makoto and Haru got up and bowed politely in thanks, Makoto voicing his in particular. Haru followed suit, feeling that Makoto shouldn't have to speak for him_ all _the time._  
  
 _They emerged into the hallway outside the guidance office, the hallway bustling with students on their way to the cafeteria or their individual hangouts. Makoto stopped in front of Haru and Haru's steps ceased as well, and an awkward silence ensued._  
  
 _"Um, would you like to--?"_

_"Sure," Haru said too quickly, and immediately regretted it._   
  
_If Makoto noticed Haru's embarrassment, he didn't show it. He just turned and beamed at him with that smile of his and laughed softly before taking the lead once again, reaching the staircase at the end of the hall and climbing the steps to the rooftop._   
  
_A soft breeze gently caressed his cheek as the door opened up to the wide empty space before them, the sky clear and blue and wide above. Haru felt a sense of peace he hadn't felt in a while, and welcomed it as he sat next to Makoto by the railing._   
  
_A soft sigh. "What a beautiful day!"_

_Haru hummed in agreement as he took out his lunch, opening it up and beginning to eat as Makoto opened his own bento, which was filled with eggs and vegetables and a whole lot more ingredients than Haru's, which was, of course, just mackerel._   
  
_"Do you make your own lunch, Haru?"_

_Usually Haru would be annoyed at such small talk, but for once, he didn't mind._

_"Mhm."_

_"Wow! You can cook!" Haru couldn't help but look at Makoto at the sound of astonishment in his voice. His eyes were glimmering with admiration, and Haru couldn't help but feel a bit pleased with himself._  
  
 _"It's not a big deal. It's easy to cook," Haru supplied, glancing down at his lunch._  
  
 _Makoto sighed. "I've been trying to learn from my mom, but every time I cook, it's a disaster. I swear there's something wrong with me," he stated sadly, picking at his vegetables with his chopsticks._  
  
 _Haru swallowed and drank some water, barely thinking as he said his next words. "You just need practice. I don't think there's anything wrong with you."_  
  
 _Makoto's eyes immediately shifted over to Haru in surprise, and suddenly everything became quiet. Haru stopped eating and began to feel panicked, his heart pounding in his chest as he wondered if what he said was too strange._  
  
 _"Um," he started, all of a sudden feeling out of breath. His eyes darted to the side, looking at anywhere but Makoto. "Is it...really okay? If I'm...here from now on," Haru continued, struggling to get the words out. He's never had to talk so much to anyone, ever. "People might...misunderstand again."_  
  
 _A few heartbeats passed._  
  
 _"...I don't really care what they think,” Makoto started, his voice lowered and the wistful, optimistic tone that Haru had gotten familiar with lately was cast off. “I stopped caring about what most people thought of me a long time ago." Makoto continued slowly, quietly. Haru's chest grew tight._  
  
 _"I...I want to be your friend, Haru. Unless you don't want to," Makoto said quickly and began to chew again, loudly this time, and Haru looked at him and saw that his face was pink._  
  
 _"...Okay."_  
  
 _"I understand--wait, what?" Makoto looked over at him in shock, eyes widening._  
  
 _Haru swallowed, his heart pounding. He could barely think while Makoto was looking at him so intently and so he just turned away, his face towards the ground._  
  
 _"...If I didn't want to, I wouldn't be here," he stated, and with that, he resumed eating his lunch._  
  
 _After a few moments, Makoto let out pure, genuine laughter, and Haru watched as his eyes crinkled at the corners._  
  
 _"Of course. Thank you, Haru."_

*****

From then on, Haru had somewhere to go during lunch every day, and every day, he learned something new about Makoto. Most of the time, as they ate, Makoto talked and Haru listened. It became a norm for the two of them as both of them were comfortable in their roles, and as Makoto talked, Haru learned many things about Makoto in the short span of a few weeks. Like how he has twin siblings in 3rd grade, and how Makoto adores cats and dogs although he can never bring one home because his mom is allergic. His favorite color is green. He is sensitive to horror and is always unable to sleep the night he sees a horror movie, sometimes for days at a time. His favorite subject is literature, but he struggles in art and English. His favorite dessert is taiyaki and loves all types of food, except the ones that taste bitter. According to himself, he's "pretty decent" at video games, but Haru could tell that he thought particularly highly of himself in that department. Haru wondered if he talked like this to every friend he made.   
  
So here he was, a few weeks later, sitting right next to Makoto as a part of his new daily routine. These past few weeks have gotten quite chilly, so they opted to eat on the stairwell, just outside the opening to the roof. Jun and his friends had returned, but aside from a few glares and hushed murmurs, no one bothered them anymore. Haru didn’t mind, and could tell that Makoto didn’t either.

Haru tried not to think about it at first, but the idea became more apparent that Makoto was maybe trying a little too hard to make this work. Haru glanced over at Makoto as he ate his lunch, examining his expression and his eyes, a calm sea of green as usual, seemed to debunk his theory. Haru didn’t think he could change himself to be more like Makoto, and it didn’t seem like Makoto wanted him to do that. Makoto seemed to be fine with the way things were, with how he continued to speak for him and to him and with Haru just being there to listen and occasionally respond. But Haru wasn’t blind. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that Makoto wasn’t...satisfied, and Haru found himself wanting to know why.

And it annoyed him. Makoto’s business was Makoto’s business. But what if the reason why he wasn’t satisfied was Haru himself?

"Christmas Eve is this Thursday, Haru! Have any plans?" Makoto asked, cheerfully munching on his onigiri.   
  
Haru paused, his chopsticks frozen in mid-air. He furrowed his brows slightly in confusion. "Isn't Christmas mainly for couples?" Memories of uneventful Decembers flashed through his mind, and he couldn’t ever recall feeling the need to celebrate. Haru was never exactly the "festive" type in the first place.   
  
Makoto spluttered, and Haru, even more confused, turned to look at his now reddening face. "Y-yeah, but..." He scratched his cheek nervously, looking away. "Some people without boyfriends or girlfriends spend time with friends during Christmas Eve. In my case, my parents always go out for a while on Christmas Eve since both of them are such romantics, and so I usually stay at home to watch Ren and Ran. But," he laughed, a fond smile gracing his features. "They're kids, so of course they embrace the Western version of Christmas. I can't help but want to make them happy and more excited. Every year we have a little party of our own until our parents come back and wait for Santa Claus." Makoto stopped, nervously glancing at Haruka before laughing, awkwardly.  "I-I know it's silly, but it kind of became family tradition, so..."   
  
"If that's what Christmas means to you, then it should be fine," Haru said after a short moment, noticing the small amount of fear in Makoto's bright, green eyes. Haru could read his fear of being judged and not accepted like a book, and didn't mind assuaging his fear.   
  
Makoto paused and looked over at him, his facial expression calming into a softer one,  ever surprised at Haru's acceptance of him. "Well...what about you? Does it mean anything to you?" His voice was gentle, and quieter than before. Haru could sense a change in Makoto's emotions, but couldn't pinpoint what it was.   
  
Haru set down his chopsticks and leaned back, mindlessly gazing up at the sky, eyes focusing on a lone seagull circling far above their heads. "...Not really."   
  
There was silence, and Haru glanced at Makoto, feeling his patient yet prying stare, and realized that Makoto wanted to know why. Haru glanced away and the words were sifted out of his mouth, his tongue suddenly feeling dry.   
  
"I...live alone. My parents never felt the need to celebrate it when they visited. Neither did I," Haru spoke truthfully, and felt his heart rate spike, realizing that this was the first concrete, personal piece of information that he's ever given to Makoto. He swallowed, feeling irrationally uneasy as he felt Makoto's eyes on him, unable to read him this time.   
  
"...Oh. That...that sounds kind of lonely," Makoto sighed softly, the words honest and true and Haru could feel it in his bones, although he tried to fight it.  
  
"It's not bad. I'm used to it," Haru attempted to soften the situation. Haru risked looking back at Makoto to gauge his reaction.  It only made Makoto's face fall a little more.   
  
Haru looked down at his lunch and began to eat again, the sound of his chewing disturbingly loud to his ears as Makoto quietly thought to himself, and Haru wasn't sure if he wanted to know what he was thinking.  
  
"H-Haru?"   
  
Haru stopped chewing.   
  
"Listen, this--this might sound weird, but...you're welcome to join us for Christmas. We usually have our celebration on Christmas Eve, and Ren and Ran would be happy to have another guest, and--well, spending Christmas with more people is a lot of fun." Realizing something, he quickly glanced at Haru before looking away again. "I-I'm not doing this out of pity! I just...we don’t really have much homework due this Friday, and so you could just come over on Christmas Eve for the party after finishing everything. I would be really happy. I mean, we would be really happy. If you came." Makoto bit his lip and returned to his onigiri, and Haru stared at him, noticing how his ears were turning red.  
  
Normally, Haru would feel the immediate urge to flee whenever he was faced something that seemed like sympathy. Normally, Haru would outright reject it and never talk to the person who expressed it again, but...Makoto was different. Makoto's words were not of the same level of condescension and detachment he recognized and hated. Makoto probably wasn't even capable of such things, because Makoto was the most painfully earnest person he'd ever met.  
  
Haru felt his heart pound with a familiar fear pulsating in his chest. His grip tightened onto his bento and chopsticks and his throat suddenly felt very small. But he didn't run away. He couldn't, even if he tried.  
  
"...Okay."   
  
Makoto's face snapped up and he looked at him, eyes wide.

"R-really?!" 

Haru swallowed and managed to speak.

"Sure. I’ll come over after finishing my homework," Haru hid his face behind his bangs as he bent his head towards his lunch again, finishing the last of his mackerel. 

Haru didn't have to look at Makoto to know that the smile on his face was blinding.   
  
****

They walked home together. 

Makoto stared silently out at the sea as they headed to their neighboring homes. Haru felt uneasy as he tried to listen to the calming sound of the waves crashing onto the shore, because as peaceful as it sounded, it was cold, and Haru couldn’t just swim in the ocean anymore if he wanted to. Haru adjusted the scarf around his neck and huffed impatiently. He never liked the winter.   
  
Haru couldn’t tell how Makoto felt about the seasons changing. Makoto usually got quiet like this once the school day was over, so he never revealed anything new during this time. Haru assumed that it was because he'd already said everything he wanted to during lunch, and it made Haru wonder if Makoto ever got worn out from talking and initiating conversations so much. Makoto was polite and surprisingly reserved around other people, but with Haru, he would always be talkative and upbeat. Maybe Makoto was saving all that energy for him.  
  
Haru's face grew warm. He turned his head away from the ocean and examined the shingles on the rooftops of houses lined neatly along the street to his left, feeling absurd for wondering such a thing.   
  
He felt annoyed; he'd almost forgotten how troublesome it was to deal with and think about another person in his life.   
  
Haru let his thoughts wander before he came to an alarming realization. Makoto wanted him to come over on Christmas Eve, and he agreed. Makoto was now another person in his life, and usually if you spend Christmas with another person, especially the Western kind, they'd want or expect gifts. Haru felt the blood drain from his face, swiftly beginning to feel ill. What could he possibly give Makoto? Haru, in his opinion, did know an impressive amount about Makoto--and yet, there was so much about him that was still unknown.   
  
"Haru?"  
  
Haru's head jerked instinctively at the sound of his name and he was face to face with Makoto's worried, green eyes and Haru struggled to breathe.   
  
"Are you okay? You look...you look scared all of a sudden," Makoto noted worriedly, his steps slowing down a little as he took in Haru's expression.

"I'm fine," Haru lied smoothly, hoping in vain that Makoto wouldn’t be able to tell. Makoto bit his lip and Haru looked away, feeling ashamed at how transparent he was.

They arrived at Makoto’s home, the clouds gathering around them as if the heaviness in the air manifested itself in their gray forms and hovered over its source. Haru felt stiff and Makoto’s eyes bore into him, but Makoto stepped forward and unlocked his door, giving him a strained smile.

“Well...just know that you can always talk to me if something is bothering you,” he paused for a moment, as if that would loosen Haru’s mouth and unleash the words that were storming in his throat, but it didn’t. Haru just nodded in response, and the worry in Makoto’s eyes was clear as day.

He blinked and smiled again, weakly. “Goodbye, Haru. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he finally stated, and stepped into his home, closing it as Haru murmured a “goodbye” and turned back towards his home just ahead, his steps slow and heavy.

****

It was now Wednesday, the day before Christmas Eve, and Haru still had no idea what to give to Makoto.

Haru excused himself at the end of the day, stating that he had something to do. Makoto looked curious but didn't ask, probably out of respect for his privacy, and Haru was grateful. It was snowing outside and the downtown part of Iwatobi, filled with shops and clearly Christmas spirit, was now where he was. A gaggle of children rushed past him and a few couples strolled by, in their own little world and barely noticing Haru as snowflakes gently floated around them, giving their cheeks a rosy glow. The whole street itself began to light up as the sky grew darker, with blinking Christmas trees and fake Santas beaming at him from inside the shops. Doors opened and closed with the jingle of bells, the sound of laughter trailing behind.

Haru was incredibly uncomfortable.

“You look lost,” a smooth voice drawled out from behind him, and Haru jerked in response, turning to see where it came from.

Fiery red eyes and hair grinned back at him, and Haru couldn't help but notice the gleam of his teeth, which seemed almost to look like fangs. Fear at being eaten rose within his throat and he immediately quashed it, feeling stupid for thinking something so ridiculous. Nevertheless, he couldn't move, and he could barely register the boy’s...confident (?)* smile faltering, recognition dawning on his features.

“Hey, wait, I've seen you before…”

“Haru-chan!”

Haru jolted again at the sound of his name being called so familiarly by a voice that was so unfamiliar. His eyes searched for the source and he spotted a small boy with glittering pink eyes and strawberry blonde hair, his arms outstretched and looking like he was about to give Haru a hug. Haru stepped back, instinctively about to run.

“SHHH! Nagisa, you don't even know him, why would you call him that--?!” A harried-looking boy with dark blue hair chased after him, his red-rimmed glasses bouncing atop his nose. He looked ridiculous. This was all so bizarre to Haru.

“SHUT UP! You guys are scaring him,” the red-haired boy chastised them and the blonde pouted and stopped in his tracks, while the other looked flustered and adjusted his glasses.

“I'm sorry for startling you. You're Nanase Haruka, aren't you? I never expected to see you here,” the redhead stared directly into his eyes as he spoke, making Haru uncomfortable. He gasped, as if remembering something important.

“You have no idea who I am, do you! I apologize for my rudeness. My name is Matsuoka Rin, and I'm a third-year like you. This ball of excitement here is Hazuki Nagisa. He's a second-year and attaches ‘chan’ to everyone’s names, no matter what,” he gestured casually to the blonde, and then moved on over to the other. “This is Ryugazaki Rei, also a second-year. Resident nerd at Iwatobi High School,”  Rei let out a high-pitched gasp in protest. “Excuse me! I’ve told you innumerable times already to stop introducing me in such a disrespectful manner, Rin!” Rin grinned, as if that proved his point, and took out his hand. “Nice to meet you.” Haru stared at it uncertainly.

Rin quirked his brow. “Aren’t you gonna shake my hand? Maybe this is too Western; I don’t know. I’ve been in Australia for too long.”

“It’s not ‘too Western,’ but handshakes are generally our way of greeting people from that side of the world,” Rei remarked, and turned to Haru with an apologetic, but also cautious look on his face. “Please excuse my friend. He spent most of his middle school years in Australia, and he’s rather brash, but I don’t think that’s because of his time spent there--”

“No one cares about your opinion, Rei. Now come on,” Rin, ignoring Rei’s splutter in response,  attempted to encourage Haru, his eyes shimmering eagerly. Haru finally lifted his hand, albeit reluctantly. His eyes flickered to Rin’s eager ones and to his large, open hand, and Haru decided that shaking his hand would be better than not doing so at all. He was afraid of what he would do if he didn’t.

He cautiously slid his hand into Rin’s palm and Rin’s grin widened even further, gripping it firmly and giving Haru’s hand one, two shakes before letting go and slipping his hand into his coat pocket.

“Rei here has been super uptight lately because of this huge test he had today, but now that it’s over, Nagisa and I agreed that he needed to loosen up a little,” Rin explained, although Haru doesn't recall asking for an explanation in the first place. “We’re about to go get some ramen. Wanna come with?”

Haru blinked at him, and Nagisa beamed from behind Rin while Rei looked mildly alarmed.

“...Um,” Haru started after a few moments of an awkward silence, and shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “How do you...know who I am?” He hated this. He wished Makoto was here. He was much better for this than he was.

Rin was still grinning at him. “We had class together last year. These two here are underclassmen, but they’ve seen you around in the art room since they hang out there once in a while. Rei loves everything that’s ‘beautiful’ and wants to surround himself in it as much as possible,” Rin rolled his eyes and Rei scoffed, aghast while Nagisa burst out laughing, high and melodious in the cold winter air. Haru briefly recalled seeing a blur of yellow and pink and blue sometimes whenever he chose to be in the art room during his bad days.

“What’s with that tone?! You’re making me look horrible in front of a classmate!”

“Rei-chan, you know Rin-chan is right,” Nagisa giggled, wiping a happy tear from his eye.

“...Okay. Well, bye,” Haru said awkwardly and turned away, hurrying over to a random store. He needed to figure out what present to get Makoto, fast. He opened the door to one that looked benign from the outside, with cool colors and warm-looking scarves and coats displayed by the window. Maybe Makoto would like something to keep him warm.

“Hey, wait!” Rin’s voice called out from behind him, only causing Haru to walk faster.

“This guy is rude,” Rin murmured as if Haru couldn’t hear him, and quickly caught up with his stride. Haru tried not to look at him.

“I get it if you don’t want to eat ramen with us. You barely know us and I realize that you’re probably here for a reason. I wasn’t lying when I said you look lost,” Rin stated honestly and swerved across from Haru who stopped at a clothing rack and was searching through it, clearly dissatisfied and distracted by Rin’s words. He realized he didn’t even know Makoto’s size when it came to clothes.

“You do look like you need help,” Nagisa chirped up beside Rin and Rei was silent before nodding slowly in agreement.

“See? It’s my calling to help people, and I’d like to help you with whatever you need. And if you really want us to leave you alone, we’ll back off.” Rin stepped forward and grasped Haru’s shoulder in reassurance. Haru’s head snapped up and he stared at Rin incredulously, but the look in Rin’s eyes told him that there was some truth to what he was saying. Nevertheless, there was definitely some other motive, as he could see Rei raising his eyebrows suspiciously at Rin and Nagisa doing his best to hold back his laughter. Haru struggled with his options.

Haru could tell him to back off and be done with him and his friends. But, Haru seriously had no idea what to do for Makoto. He glanced at the item he selected in desperation for Makoto, a coat that was garishly yellow and clearly too small, and Haru let out a sigh, deeply ashamed that he was so pathetically backed into a corner like this.

“I...I’m trying to find a gift,” Haru gave in, eyes downcast. An enthusiastic noise came from Rin’s throat, and his hand patted his shoulder. Haru shook him off and walked forward, with Rin and his friends following him.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about! So you don’t know what to give this person? Is it for someone special? It’s Christmas after all,” Rin smirked, waggling his eyebrows. Haru’s eyes widened and he averted his gaze, heat surging in his cheeks.

At Haru’s reaction, Rin’s expression was utterly pleased and Nagisa whistled while Rei sighed, shaking his head. “Rin, I can’t believe you...”

“If it makes you feel better, I swing that way too. You’re obviously looking for something that’s for a guy, and--”

“It’s not...like that,” Haru cut in, embarrassed all of a sudden and wanting to clear up this common misunderstanding, he stopped in his tracks. “I just...he celebrates the Western version of Christmas with his siblings and he invited me over. I don’t want to be empty-handed if he gives me something,” Haru spoke quickly and swiveled over to the next row of clothes. Rin raised his eyebrows at Rei and Nagisa and kept following him, humming to himself.

“And that’s the only reason?”

“Yes.”

“Well, whatever you say. If we’re going to help you, we need some information about this friend of yours…”

“Favorite color? Food? Favorite animal? Hobbies?” Rei’s voice emerged from behind Rin, and Haru tried not to feel overwhelmed.

Haru turned towards them and quickly filled them in with all that he knew about Makoto. As a result, Rin slung his arm around Haru’s shoulder and dragged him to other stores, showing him around and letting him see the other options he had. Almost all the presents Rin showed him were accessories that were way too cheesy or romantic, like “always together” phone charms. Haru was getting more and more irritated. Once they stopped in front of some sort of jewelry store, Haru had had enough.  He shrugged off Rin’s arm, glaring at him.

“What? I'm trying my best here--”

“Maybe Nanase-san isn't looking for those types of gifts, Rin,” Rei said, and Haru nodded eagerly in agreement.

“Which is why…” Rei started dramatically, his hand gripping his own chin in deep thought. “You should get him an olive green scarf or a beanie, maybe a new bento box. Or perhaps a new video game! He loves video games, doesn't he?”

All of those options were actually viable ideas, and Haru bit his lip, thinking. He could get him a scarf and a beanie, but he didn't like any of the ones he saw so far. None of them were the right color, and because Makoto had so many green things already, he didn't want to give him another one. Plus, he wasn't sure which video games he had or already had, and his mom put a lot of hard work into his bento so he was probably satisfied with that already. All of this he told Rei, and Rei furrowed his brows, thinking even harder than before.

“Haru-chan, what are your hobbies and talents? Can you make something?” Nagisa asked, disrupting his train of thought. Everyone looked at Nagisa in surprise, Haru, most especially, because Nagisa mostly cheered everyone on and didn't contribute much to the gift hunt besides laughter.

“...I can draw and paint. Carve and sculpt. Cook. Sewing is easy too. And drop the ‘chan,’” Haru replied, and suddenly realized what Nagisa was going for. Nagisa smiled.

“It looks like you want to give him something simple, yet meaningful, and the only way to do that is to make him something. Maybe you can paint him something, cook the food on Christmas night, or make him something he can use. There's an arts and crafts store here and you can get your supplies there,” Nagisa suggested, and both Rin’s and Rei’s jaws dropped.

Haru’s heart started pounding as he envisioned exactly what gift he was going to give Makoto. He knew what to do.

“What?” Nagisa looked curiously at Rin’s and Rei’s shocked faces.

“You...you said something really thoughtful just now,” Rin gaped at him, and Rei nodded in agreement, highly impressed.

Nagisa rolled his eyes. “Really, guys! I can--”

“Where is it?” He interrupted, and Nagisa, seeing the eagerness on his face, grinned and pointed to the shop right at the end of the street they were on. Haru couldn't help but bow a little and voice his thanks before dashing over to the store, pushing inside and finding what he was looking for. Makoto was rubbing off on him.

*****

“It’s Haru-chan!”

“Mako-chan, Haru-chan is here!”

Haru stared bewildered at the two little Tachibana siblings who stood before him and greeted him with wide smiles, welcoming him into their home. Snow fluttered onto the girl’s (which Haru presumed was Ran’s), nose and she sneezed, and the boy (Ren?) shivered but kept on smiling up at Haru.

“Get inside! It’s way too cold,”  Ren insisted and both Ran and Ren pushed Haru inside, their little hands gripping on his black coat. Haru struggled to take off his shoes and Makoto rushed over, his eyes wide and his hair disheveled with a Santa hat haphazardly placed on his head. He was wearing a dark green knit sweater that brought out the color of his eyes, and Haru tried not to stare too much as Makoto’s cheeks reddened in embarrassment at how Haru had to see him like this.

“Haru! I’m so sorry, I got held up in the kitchen; here, let me close the door for you!”

Haru murmured a polite, “Excuse me for intruding,” as he finally took off his shoes. The twins actually removed his coat for him, and after a few moments of watching the twins struggle to reach the coat hanger, Haru decided to help by hanging it up himself. Makoto closed the door behind Haru and opened his mouth to say something, but Ran beat him to it.

“So you’re Haru-chan, huh? Mako-chan always talks about you,” Ran grinned at him, and Makoto groaned from behind her, his face getting redder and redder.

“Ran--!”

“Yeah! And he hasn’t brought anyone over since Sou-chan, so we’ve all been really excited--”

“That’s enough, Ren,” Makoto cut in sternly. Haru idly wondered if “Sou-chan” was a touchy topic, but Makoto’s business was Makoto’s business. Ren pouted at his older brother, and Makoto sighed, his sternness growing soft.

“Just help me decorate, okay? Don’t hurt yourself. The ornaments are in the box, remember?” Makoto pointed at a box filled to the brim with ornaments next to a naked Christmas tree set up by the fireplace, and both Ran and Ren nodded eagerly and yelled in affirmative, running towards it. Makoto watched them with a fond, exasperated smile, and then turned back to Haru apologetically.

“They’re such a handful, aren’t they? Sorry if they startled you,” Makoto reached over to help Haru with his bag, but Haru shook his head, causing Makoto to look up at him in surprise.

“You said you were held up in the kitchen?” Haru asked, and Makoto grew redder and he scratched the back of his head, even more embarrassed than before.

“Um, yeah...I’m trying to figure out what to have them eat, and I forgot to go to the convenience store, so I have to cook, and we have a lot of ingredients here but there’s not much I can--”

“I’ll do it.”

Makoto’s jaw dropped slightly and his mouth opened and closed a few times before Makoto regained his composure.

“I--uh--are you sure--?”

“I’ll cook. I brought some cake mix, too. Is it alright if I use the supplies in your kitchen?”

Makoto swallowed and glanced down at his bag, before letting out an exhausted sigh, giving in.

“Alright, Haru! Thank you so much! You really saved me…”

“It’s nothing,” Haru responded, and then wanting to tease him a little, added, “You did say every time you cooked was a disaster.”

Makoto blinked at him and Haru wordlessly strolled into the kitchen, finding the nearest apron, a bright, baby blue one, to put on himself. As Haru was tying it around his neck and waist, Makoto followed him into the kitchen, laughing.

“Haru! That was mean of you,” Makoto pouted at him, but his eyes were smiling. “I thought you said I just needed practice,” he sighed, and reached into the cabinet to help set out some baking dishes and pots for Haru to work with.

Haru glanced at him, his lips quirking up into a small smile. “But it’s Christmas,” and Makoto laughed again. Haru felt warm all over.

Luckily, Makoto had just enough ingredients at home for Haru to cook nabe for all four of them. Makoto insisted on helping with setting out all the tools and the food items that he needed, despite Haru trying to get him to relax since he’d been clearly stressed out all day from preparing this party for his siblings. Nevertheless, Makoto was stubborn. Haru gave up eventually, sighing to himself at how meddlesome Makoto was.

But honestly, he didn't really mind.

*****

Makoto ended up having to leave Haru to his own devices in the kitchen because he needed to decorate the living room and light the fireplace. Haru was content being alone in the kitchen, as cooking was a calming activity for him and he was focused on making this nabe one that the Tachibana family would enjoy. He couldn’t remember the last time he cooked for other people.

Haru set the soup ladle down and bent down to check on the chocolate cake that was baking in the oven. _10 more minutes,_ he thought to himself, before heading over to the cutting board and dicing up some mushrooms to put into the nabe.

He heard laughter emerging from the living room behind him and he peeked over the kitchen island in order to see what their shenanigans were. There he saw Makoto squeezing the two of his siblings in a tight grip as he lifted them up to place the star on the tree, his eyes crinkling with laughter as Ren and Ran squealed in delight, clearly ticklish where Makoto was squeezing them.

“S-Stop, Mako-chan, we’ll drop the star--!”

“You were going to drop the star before! I have to hold you guys this tightly in order to make sure you guys stay still,” Makoto insisted, chuckling, and lifted them up higher, loosening his grip just a little to let them lean over and finally put the star on top.

Ren and Ran cheered in delight and Makoto joined them, his smile wide and lovely on his cheeks. He set them on the ground and allowed them to run over into their rooms to bring out board games, and Makoto glanced over at Haru, catching him in the act of watching. Haru quickly returned his attention to the nabe, red-faced because of the warm smile Makoto sent him from where he was by the tree.

*****

“Itadakimasu!” Everyone cheered as Haru, with Makoto’s help, set the hotpot and the plates and bowls down onto the dinner table, the cake cooling on the kitchen stove. Haru finally took a seat after everyone else began to eat and murmured a quiet “Itadakimasu” before tasting the soup himself.

Ren and Ran let out soft sighs of contentment, showing Haru the most pleased expressions Haru has probably ever seen. Makoto exclaimed in delight and gave Haru a dazzling smile, his eyes reflecting the warmth of the fireplace.

“This is delicious, Haru!”

“You can really cook!” Ran happily complimented him.

“We haven’t had nabe in forever...Mako-chan wouldn’t have been able to do this…” Ren sighed, and Makoto shot him a frown, a playful look in his eyes.

“Ren!”

"What? It's true!"

Ran was laughing and struggled to gain her composure enough to continue eating, her face bright with happiness. Haru also tried not to laugh, his lips curled in a soft smile that felt foreign to him. He had no idea spending Christmas with other people could be so...nice. He glanced over at Makoto, radiating as always, and Haru thought to himself that Makoto was sort of like the sun. Haru blinked, catching himself, and busied himself with his nabe again.He’s been having so many ridiculous thoughts lately. What was happening to him?

Makoto’s eyes briefly shifted over to Haru and stayed there for a little while, and Haru could feel his gaze but tried to act like he couldn’t. He couldn’t read his expression, but it made his heart pound all the same.

****

After stuffing themselves with the chocolate cake both the twins and Makoto proclaimed as absolutely wonderful, Haru sat with the others atop piles of pillows and futons laid on the floor, the room aglow with a myraid of Christmas lights and most of all, the Christmas tree itself. Haru had to admit he was impressed. Makoto grinned at him as if he knew what he was thinking, and before Haru could react, he opened up a few board games and the twins launched all of them into competition that even Haru himself eventually got swept up in.

A few hours passed, and it wasn’t hard for the twins to get sleepy despite their protests against being in such a state, reasserting themselves as they were determined to keep on winning. Haru won a few games himself, but the twins were on a streak most likely because Makoto was letting them win. Haru was giving Makoto a knowing look the whole time and Makoto, acknowledging him, shrugged and smiled sheepishly at him. _Pushover,_ Haru thought.

Ren was the first to admit defeat. He let out a sleepy sigh and collapsed onto the futon besides Makoto, one tiny hand on his tiny belly.

“I’m tired,” he sighed, and Ran collapsed beside him. “Me too,” she mumbled, but then her eyes shot wide open. “Wait! We have to stay up for Santa Claus…” and then her eyes fell shut again.

“Y-Yeah…” Ren mumbled sleepily. “Haru, sleep over ok? You can borrow Makoto’s uniform or something…”

Makoto frowned. “I don’t think he brought extra clothes or a toothbrush…”

Ran groaned and rolled over, dropping her arm on top of Ren’s stomach. “Whatever, we have extras and he could wear yours…” Quickly afterwards, she already began to let out a few snores. Ran began to do the same, and Makoto laughed softly to himself, gently stroking their heads before lifting up the blankets and covering them both. Haru watched in silence, and Makoto looked up at him, smiling.

“Let me turn off the lights real quick,” he whispered, and Haru nodded as Makoto got up and flicked off the switches. All of a sudden, aside from the lights on the Christmas tree, the room was filled a soft blue glow. Haru looked up and saw the source: blue glow-in-the-dark stars were scattered across the ceiling. It took Haru's breath away.

Haru barely heard Makoto shuffling back onto the futon besides Ren and laying back to gaze at the ceiling, and after seeing Makoto do so, decided to do the same besides Ran.

"The three of us did this a long time ago...back when this whole tradition started," Makoto gestured at the stars. "We couldn't go outside to look at real stars since it was too cold, so...we made a sky of our own."

Haru nodded, still unable to speak. They were silent for a while before the sound of Makoto’s head turning to look at him caught Haru’s attention.

“How long do you plan on staying? I know you probably can’t sleep over, so…”

Haru bit his lip in the darkness before responding, “I can stay up until around midnight.”

Makoto nodded and turned back to the ceiling, sighing contentedly.

“They always say that they’ll stay up, but it never happens,” he laughs quietly, a soft smile gracing his features. “I’ll have to give them their presents in the morning.”

That’s right. Presents. Haru’s heart suddenly began to pound again, and Haru tried to shift his focus on a constellation of a bunny on the ceiling.

“This is...nice.”

“Hm?” Makoto hummed, looking over again at Haru. Haru was glad Makoto couldn’t see his face, and his eyes remained on the bunny, following the path of its ears.

“It’s nice. Spending Christmas with other people,” he finished.

Makoto was silent for a few moments, and then completely turned his body towards Haru, using his own arm as a pillow so that he could look more directly at him.

“I’m glad,” he said quietly, and Haru’s eyes finally met his.

Makoto’s expression was contemplative and his eyes were hiding something that Haru suddenly wanted him to reveal. He had no idea what came over him, but his heart was caught in his throat again, and he wondered to himself why this was happening so often to him lately.

Makoto sighed softly and looked down, tracing patterns on his blanket.  

“I...really love my family. I feel guilty sometimes,” Makoto nearly murmured to himself, but Haru knew Makoto was trying to talk to him about something. He moved a bit closer in an attempt to hear him more clearly, but of course Ren and Ran were in between them. He quietly waited for Makoto to continue.

“I feel guilty because even though I’m surrounded by so many loving people, I can’t help but feel lonely at times,” Makoto admitted, and Haru’s breath hitched in his throat. “I’ve always had trouble making friends, even at my old school. I’m just not the best with...with people, because I just get so nervous…” he let out a barely discernible, broken laugh. “I...I can be polite, and pretend, but it’s hard for me to fully trust someone,” he continued, and Haru’s heart stopped once his eyes locked on his.

“But...I feel like I can trust you, Haru. I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s because you helped me on that day, or because we both seem to have...trouble when it comes to others. But I-I don’t want to compare myself to you, because I don't know what you've been through...but you…” his voice trailed off and Haru swallowed, his chest growing tighter and tighter with each passing second.

“I can tell that you’re a kind person. I hope you can trust me, too," Makoto paused. "And if I get lonely here with so many people, I can’t imagine how living alone must feel like,” Makoto finished, and Haru sank a little against the sheets, realizing what he was referring to.

“I...I don’t really know what to tell you. I’ve never really considered it to be ‘loneliness.’” Haru answered honestly, and looking back at Makoto, he continued. “But...after today,” he began, and Makoto tilted his head to hear him better, “I can see why you’d think so.” he reflected, his voice growing even quieter than before, and he could feel the tension and sadness in the air, his heart beginning to ache. Haru grimaced, starting to regret saying it in the first place before Makoto spoke again, his voice low and yet sincere.

“You can always come here, you know. The twins...they love you, and I’m sure my parents will too. I…” Haru heard Makoto swallow. “I want to spend more time with you, Haru. I hope we can be closer as friends,” Makoto murmured, his eyes directly focusing on Haru and Haru alone, once again making it difficult for Haru to breathe.

Makoto’s eyes widened a little, realizing something and thus breaking the tension that was just between them. “It’s past midnight!” he whispered urgently, sitting up, and Haru, disoriented, followed suit. “You should get going, but, wait, a second, okay?”

Haru stared up at him in surprise as Makoto got up and hurried into the hallway. Haru realized Makoto was probably getting his present for him, and his heartbeat was nearly deafening as Haru immediately stood up and reached over for his bag, gingerly taking out the gift bag hidden within it. Makoto stepped into the room and froze at the sight of Haru holding a present that was clearly his, and Makoto slowly made his way towards him before sitting down before him, his knees touching the ground. Haru’s eyes were wide. Makoto was so close. He could feel the warmth of his skin and the heat radiating off of his cheeks, the intensity of his eyes. Makoto was holding a small square package wrapped up neatly in a bow, and was clearly struggling to speak.

“H-Haru...you shouldn’t have...you already cooked for us, and...I-I honestly wouldn’t mind if you didn’t give me anything. You being here is enough,” Makoto stammered, breathless, his hands shaking slightly around Haru’s present.

Haru swallowed and fought the urge to still Makoto’s hands. He wasn’t quite brave enough to do that, and so instead, he lifted the present towards Makoto, his eyes insisting for him to take it.

Haru didn't need to say anymore. Makoto hesitated before nodding, carefully taking the present before handing his over to Haru.

“...Open yours first,” Makoto requested of him, his hands delicately holding the bag Haru gave him, as if inside was something priceless and fragile.

Haru nodded and carefully unwrapped the present, noting the care and effort with which Makoto wrapped this present. He held up the item to the light and took in a sharp breath as he registered it as an array of beautiful colored pencils, something that he’d been needing for a long time.

His eyes flickered to Makoto’s, which were now a bit fearful and nervous compared to before. Makoto smiled weakly, lightly scratching at his cheek, which was something Haru noticed he did when he was nervous.

“I know that you draw, so...I wanted to give you something nice. You’re amazing, Haru.” Haru’s face felt hot, remembering when Makoto stumbled upon this particular fact about himself and the first piece of art he actually saw. They still hadn't talked about it, and he couldn’t believe that Makoto didn’t seem perturbed by him at all, after all of this.

“...Thanks,” was all Haru could say, and he tucked it into his bag, his fingers lingering on it before turning back to Makoto. “Your turn,” he declared, and Makoto laughed a little, just as careful as he took out the tissue paper within the bag. His eyes widened as he took in what was inside, and Haru’s hands gripped the cloth of his pants tightly, awaiting his reaction.

Makoto slowly took out a long, dark red scarf, thick and woven loosely enough to almost resemble the pattern of soft, wooly blanket. Makoto’s fingers traced over the lining and glanced up at Haru, his eyes almost glowing in the dim light. “You...you made this for me?”

Haru blushed at how he could tell. He nodded slowly, and wet his lips, trying to gather up the courage to just say it already. He had to leave, after all.

“You’ve...done a lot for me,” he managed to begin. “...More than I can ever repay you,” his voice grew soft as he thought about when Makoto stood up for him against Jun, and Haru fought his nerves in order to continue. “This was the least I could do.” _I appreciate that you’re here. I don’t know how you’ve stuck for so long, but I’m glad._ Haru couldn’t say the rest, but before he could get angry at himself for his cowardice, strong arms wrapped tightly around his torso. Makoto’s hair tickled the bottom of his chin and his breath skimmed over Haru’s neck, causing Haru to freeze completely.

“Thank you,” he breathed, and Haru sagged against him, blinking rapidly as he awkwardly returned the hug, never having expected something like this at all. Makoto pulled away and gave him a smile that looked almost tearful, and stood up before Haru could tell for sure. Haru gathered up his things and padded over to the front door, slipping on his shoes. His heart was pounding wildly as Makoto reached over and opened the door for him, his green eyes searing into him as the moonlight cast a soft glow over Makoto’s features. Haru stepped outside and looked over at him, his body feeling like a furnace despite the cold.

“Merry Christmas, Haru,” Makoto whispered and smiled warmly at him, and Haru nodded. “Merry Christmas,” he replied, and stayed perfectly still as Makoto closed the door.

Haru exhaled heavily, the heat of his breath puffing out in tiny clouds as he swiftly turned and headed back home, his footprints trailing behind him in the snow.

The norms of Haru’s life have now changed, and Haru had no idea what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yes, Rin was hitting on Haru before he realized that he was Haru. Haru's never been hit on before, so of course he wouldn't realize that his smile was flirtatious. DON'T FREAK OUT GUYS. This is obviously a makoharu fic and I just wanted to play a around a little. 
> 
> Expect to see more of them and perhaps a few more faces soon. ;)
> 
> Happy Holidays!


	4. Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...Makoto…?”
> 
> Makoto swallowed and slowly looked up at him with the most painful smile Haru had ever witnessed on his face.
> 
> “...I’m sorry, Haru. Can I spend the night at your place today?”

For the past week, ever since Christmas Eve, Haru has been having a hard time focusing.

“Nanase-san!” 

Amakata-sensei’s voice cut through Haru’s daydream filled with green eyes glowing in the moonlight and a warm smile, and Haru stood up immediately, flustered. 

“Yes,” He managed, his face bright red, and he tried to ignore Makoto’s curious eyes  roving over his face. 

“Please translate the sentence on page 324 as I asked,” Amakata-sensei stated slowly in a stern, warning tone, and Haru nodded and obeyed, although slightly shakily. Haru grit his teeth and sat down, trying not to visibly display his humiliation as snickers rose and fell throughout the classroom. After the painful translation, Haru quickly sat back down and still pretended not to notice Makoto staring at him, his heart pounding uncomfortably in his chest. 

Makoto nudged him slightly with his elbow, and Haru sucked in a breath, his face reddening even more at the physical contact.  He stared down at his notebook, the words beginning to blur, but Makoto’s large hand came into focus in front of him as he slid a small note over the words themselves.

_ Are you okay? _

_ No,  _ Haru immediately thought.  _ I don’t know what’s happening to me.  _ But instead of writing this down, he quickly wrote back:

_ I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.  _

****

The sky was a dark, stormy grey, but Haru and Makoto still saw it fit to eat on the rooftop despite the foreboding threat of rain. Haru was in the middle of trying to suppress his own tumultuous emotions while Makoto was in the middle of telling one of his many tales with the twins, when all of a sudden, the doors to the rooftop burst open.

“Haru-chan! Mako-chan!”

“Nagisa-kun! How many times do I have to tell you, it’s not appropriate to add _ -chan  _ when you barely know them--”

“Yo! Sorry for intruding! Your classmates told us you'd be up here.” 

Haru gaped at the three of them, his chopsticks frozen in mid-air. Makoto blinked and sat up a little, wide-eyed, a sudden nervousness taking a hold of him. Haru noticed this, but Makoto let an easy smile grace his features, as if he weren’t shaken at all by their sudden entrance. Haru tried not to stare at him in order to fully take in his questionably natural acting skills, and so Haru’s eyes shifted reluctantly towards the disrupters of their peace.  

“Hello there,” Makoto greeted in return. Nagisa, Rei, and Rin began to approach them loudly and amicably, but despite their apparent friendliness, Haru felt more and more afraid as Rin sauntered over to them, a huge grin on his face. Why were they here? He thought he’d wouldn’t have to deal with them again. 

The three of them sat in a semicircle in front of them, with Rei looking uncomfortable, Nagisa beaming at them, and Rin’s eyes shifting eagerly between Haru and Makoto, but mostly towards Makoto. Haru stared the hardest at Rin, whose concentration on Makoto concerned him the most. 

“Hey you guys! Look, I’m sorry for interrupting your lunch, but we’re kinda desperate and everyone else kinda said no, so--”

“W-We’re not desperate--” Rei cut in, flustered, crossing his arms and nervously fixing his glasses. 

“But we are, Rei! We are,” Nagisa sighed, as if it were the end of the world. 

“And I know we all don’t know each other very well, and we only interacted, like, once,” Rin continued, gesturing towards Haru, causing him to stiffen in preparation for whatever dreaded favor or request that was coming next.

“But since the counselors have been starting to bother all of us to join some sort of club, we were thinking to start a swimming club here,” Rin’s grin was blinding now. “What do you say? We need two more members to make it happen.” 

Rin wasn’t even looking at Haru at this point, although the request was presumably towards the both of them. Haru’s shock grew into confusion once he saw Makoto, whose smile had suddenly turned into a stiff line, his face pale.

“Uh, I, uh,” Makoto stammered, and Haru’s brows furrowed as he tried to comprehend the sudden change. All eyes were on Makoto expectantly, with Rin’s, Nagisa’s, and even Rei’s filled with various degrees of hope. 

Makoto’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, clearly uncomfortable. Haru tried not to be distracted by its movement and his sudden desire to draw his profile, only without the discomfort tensing his muscles. 

“I...I don’t swim anymore.”

Rei let out a frustrated sigh, waving his arms about frantically at Rin. “See, I told you this wouldn’t work--!”

Rin raised an eyebrow, his confidence slightly shaken. “But I thought--I thought for sure you’d jump at the opportunity since you went to  _ the _ Tokitsu High School…”

“If he  _ really _ wanted to continue swimming, Rin, he would’ve transferred to  _ Samezuka _ , the swimming powerhouse here in Iwatobi, not here which doesn’t even have a swimming club as of yet, or a functional pool!” Rei sighed, shaking his head. Haru just felt more and more confused. Continue swimming? Makoto hadn’t told him much about his life at his previous high school so Haru assumed it wasn’t that important, but why did Rin emphasize  _ the _ before the name? What was so special about it? What did Rin know about Makoto that he didn’t know?

Rin shot a glare at Rei. “Well, maybe he  _ didn’t _ know that the swim program didn’t exist here at Iwatobi--”

Nagisa sighed loudly, disappointment clear on his face. “Darn, and we really need a backstroke swimmer too..” 

“Please at least just consider it,” Rin quickly resurged from his argument with Rei. He looked at Makoto pleadingly. “And you too, Nanase,” Rin looked over at Haru, to Haru’s shock. “We’re willing to train anyone, and we need all the help we can get if we want to compete. I was in Australia for a couple of years and swam there, and although I decided not to swim professionally, I think it’d still be fun as a club,” Rin began his explanation, which no one asked for. There was a tense silence after. “Come on! It'll be fun,” Rin tried once more.

Makoto’s face was downcast and his bangs covered his eyes, rendering them unreadable. Haru was staring at him clearly now, trying to decipher his puzzling reaction to all of this. Why was Makoto taking so long to respond? Why did it seem like Makoto was haunted by some past memory? 

After a few tense minutes, a soft sigh came from Rin’s lips. “Look, just think about it, okay? We have ‘till the end of the week. I don't know what happened over there but if you don't want to go back to swimming again, I respect that. But it would be a damn shame.” 

“Rin--!” Rei erupted, aghast at his rudeness. 

Rin rolled his eyes and continued, “You were a part of one of the top ten high school swimming teams in the nation. You would be an incredible asset to our team, whether or not we do well overall. My sister is a big fan of your school and would watch your tournaments, and in the past years I've been watching them with her. Maybe you weren't the fastest backstroke swimmer there--” 

Makoto flinched. Haru’s eyes widened. 

“But you were still damn good, and I will never forget the coordination between you and Yamazaki Sousuke in last year’s--”

“ _ I told you _ ,” Makoto cut in like a knife, his voice rising into a shout as he abruptly shot up and towered over them, anger and pain seared into his eyes. “ _ I don’t swim anymore _ !” 

Everyone, including Haru, jolted upright at the outburst. Rei gripped tightly onto Nagisa and stood up, pulling the frightened boy with him. Haru’s heartbeat sped up and even he felt fear crawling up his throat as he saw Makoto so infuriated for the first time. It was impossible not to see how overpowering Makoto’s figure was. His shadow almost consumed Rin. 

“Rin,” Rei said stiffly. “We need to go. I told you, he’s--he’s dangerous, a delinquent, he--he got kicked out because of violence, like I said…”

Haru watched as something seemed to break in Makoto at those words, his rage falling into despair. Makoto’s mouth opened and closed, but no words seemed to come out as Rin, stunned, shakily stood.

“I-I’m sorry for bothering you,” Rin apologized hastily and rushed back inside the doors he came from, Rei and Nagisa following suit.

Haru’s fear dissolved once he saw the terrifying, huge Makoto crumple before him, his body slumping against the railing. 

“...Makoto…?” 

Makoto swallowed and slowly looked up at him with the most painful smile Haru had ever witnessed on his face. 

“...I’m sorry, Haru. Can I spend the night at your place today?” 

****

Makoto had insisted that Haru go home first, as Makoto needed to quickly grab his things. Haru nodded silently as Makoto was telling him this, his brain beginning to hurt trying to comprehend what was going on. All he knew was that Makoto needed him this time, and all he wanted was Makoto to be normal again. And himself to be, too. He just hoped Makoto would come back before the thunderstorm that was predicted to happen that night.

Haru, in the meantime, was sitting in his small dining room on his knees atop a small pillow, sketching. Lately many of his drawings have been of Makoto, mainly because every day, since that night, he's been feeling a strange ache in his chest. This was the only way to somehow lessen its burden, although it was only temporary. 

This time, though, he was hyperaware of how Makoto would be coming soon, and so he was sketching a small bunny he's been seeing hopping around his backyard lately instead. It was a nice, necessary distraction.

A knock on the door resounded from the hallway. Haru closed his sketchbook and stood up, padding quickly from the room to open the door for Makoto. 

The sky behind Makoto was an even darker gray now, almost like ash. Makoto gave him a weak smile and lifted up his bags slightly. 

“Come in,” Haru stated quietly, and backed away a little so Makoto could enter. 

“Hello, Haru. Thanks again for letting me stay over so last minute,” Makoto greeted him, slipping off his shoes and taking off his blazer. 

“No need to thank me.” Haru replied, and headed into the kitchen. “I’ll cook dinner.” 

Makoto raised his head from where he was in the hallway, looking at Haru with wide eyes. 

“H-Haru! I couldn't possibly--”

“I haven't had dinner yet. You haven't eaten yet, either, right?” Haru looked back at him, as he tied his apron around his neck, his gaze unwavering, almost challenging Makoto to try and stop him from feeding him. Makoto stared at him for a few moments, and Haru could almost see the words of protest struggling in his mouth before finally settling down in defeat. Makoto sighed.  

“No, I haven’t.”

“We’re having mackerel.”

**** 

Dinner was strangely silent, but Haru was patient. Obviously something was bothering Makoto, but he would let Makoto speak of it on his own terms. He didn't want to make Makoto uncomfortable as Rin had. 

Haru chewed thoughtfully on his mackerel as he mulled over the sparse details he knew. He thought he knew Makoto well since he listened to so many stories every day, but it was only today that he realized that there was still so much he didn't know about him. It was true that Makoto had never mentioned anything about his experience at his previous high school. There were rumors that Makoto was expelled because he got into a fight, as Rei had mentioned, but Haru doubted that was the case. But he had never heard that Makoto was a swimmer at one of the top ten swimming schools in the nation. 

“Haru?”

Haru’s head shot up, his eyes wide. 

“I was calling your name before, but you didn't respond. Are you okay? You look a little flushed,” Makoto commented gently, and Haru’s face grew even warmer. He hadn't realized he was so absorbed in his thoughts.

“I’m fine,” Haru responded weakly, finishing the last of his mackerel. Makoto frowned a little and set down his rice bowl before getting up and shifting a bit so that he was next to Haru.

Haru turned to look at him instinctively, his eyes still wide. He froze in place when Makoto leaned in close and pressed his calloused hand against his forehead. Haru couldn't look away from his concerned eyes.

“Hmm...well, you don't have a fever. Is something stressing you out? You’re worrying me, Haru,” The hot pressure of Makoto’s hand seemed to blaze on his forehead even after it lifted, and Haru swallowed before looking down and furrowing his brows. He felt the ache again, except stronger this time. Only a few hours before, Makoto seemed terrifying, but Haru once more saw such a tenderness in him, a tenderness that he was so familiar with and yet always so surprised at at the same time, and he wondered how this Makoto and that Makoto could be the same person. He solidified his belief that Makoto was not a violent person, and that there was more to what  happened at his old school that caused him to react so strongly.

“You’re one to talk,” Haru mumbled, glancing up at him almost defiantly. Makoto blinked at him and Haru’s heart sped up in anticipation, immediately regretting his words. 

Makoto slowly scooted back to his seat and resumed eating his mackerel. The silence continued on for a few more moments before Makoto stopped chewing.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, Haru. I just...” 

Haru waited, but saw that Makoto could not bring himself to continue. He got up and picked up his own dishes, hating himself and not looking at Makoto as he began to make his way over to the sink. 

“You don't need to explain if you don't want to. No matter what, Makoto is still Makoto.” Haru stated matter-of-fact, in the only way he knew how. He picked up Makoto’s finished plates as well and disappeared into the kitchen, with Makoto’s eyes lingering on him.

****

Heavy rain thudded noisily on the rooftop as Haru and Makoto got ready for bed. Haru was dressed in his pajamas and setting down a futon for Makoto on his bedroom floor while Makoto was showering in his bathroom. As he finished, Haru stared solemnly out of his window as the rain continued to pour mercilessly into the raging sea before him. 

The sound of the shower stopped. “Haru? I forgot to bring my towel. Could you bring it to me? It's in my bag,” Makoto’s polite request echoed from the bathroom.

“Sure,” Haru replied calmly, although for his heart, this was not the case. His heartbeat was deafening in his ears as he reached over and picked up the towel from his sleeping bag. Suddenly, he felt nervous. And he had no idea why. 

_ It’s no big deal.  _ Haru remembered seeing plenty of guys naked in the locker room when he had  gym class. How was this any different? 

He opened the door and convinced himself that the apparent rise in his temperature was because of the steam still in the bathroom. He raised the towel towards the shower door, glad that the glass was still a blur. 

“Here,” he stated, looking down at the ground. 

Haru heard the sound of the shower door open slightly and felt the towel being pulled gently out of his fingers. 

“Thank you--” 

_ BOOM.  _

Everything went black save for a dim sliver of moonlight peeking out from Haru’s window, but Haru did not have time to think about how much available light there was. Almost immediately after the thunder, Makoto tightly gripped Haru’s wrist and pulled him close with such force that Haru nearly tripped over his own feet. He heard the towel drop to the floor. 

Haru inhaled sharply at the sudden change, his senses going haywire. He was more glad than he has ever been in his life that he wasn't able to see anything, because he could feel the heat and the moist air reverberating off of Makoto’s broad chest, and past the smell of his own shampoo he was surrounded by the overwhelming scent him, him, and him alone. 

Haru nearly choked on it as he was trying to speak. 

“M-Makoto--” 

“A-ah!” Makoto gasped as if he just realized what he did and suddenly, Makoto pulled away, and the heat and the overwhelming nature of his scent were both gone. Haru swallowed and tried to forcibly calm down his heart as he heard Makoto pick up the dropped towel and wrap it around his waist. 

“I-I’m so sorry,” Makoto apologized, his voice shaky. 

“It’s fine.” Haru paused and although he couldn't see anything, Makoto didn't seem to be moving. Then, he realized why.

“It'll be okay, Makoto.” Haru attempted, his heart still beating fast. He shuffled around a bit towards the clothes basket based on memory, and felt around with his hands for a bit before finding what he needed. He gently nudged Makoto with them. 

“Here are your clothes. You'll catch a cold if you don't put them on soon...the heater is off,” Haru said, believing that the slight tremble in his voice was because of the oncoming chill.

Makoto inhaled slowly, shakily.

“Y-you’re right. I-I know it’s weird, but could you just..stay here until I’m done? I can manage if you think it's too weird and would rather wait in your room,” Makoto sped through the last part, clearly more afraid of Haru’s discomfort than his own. Haru’s heart began to ache again. 

“I’ll stay.” 

Makoto breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Haru…”

And for a few moments, Haru listened to the sounds of Makoto changing in the dark as he thought about how frightened Makoto was, and how small he seemed when he was afraid.

****

Makoto emerged from the bathroom behind Haru, and Haru didn't need to see to know that Makoto had a sheepish expression on his face. 

“I’m...I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable at all, Haru,” Makoto began, and Haru shook his head, knowing that in the dim moonlight, Makoto could at least make out his movements.

“Don’t worry about it.” 

Makoto fidgeted for a moment before kneeling down on the futon that Haru laid out for him, hesitantly placing his a dry towel onto his pillow so that his wet hair wouldn't soak through.

“...You must have noticed this already, but I’m...afraid of thunder,” Makoto stated softly, his voice low and almost ashamed. He breathed out a laugh that surprised Haru, a laugh heavy with self-deprecation. “I get all jittery, and scared, and I can’t sleep without someone next to me--”

Haru turned towards him almost immediately, the words spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“I can sleep next to you, if it helps.” 

There was a beat of silence. Makoto stared at him, wide-eyed, and Haru’s face burned as he witnessed Makoto’s jaw drop. 

“It’s cold outside, and the heater won’t turn unless the power comes back.” Haru added awkwardly, his heart beating so hard against his chest it began to hurt. He realized that if he came close to Makoto right now, Makoto would probably feel his heart thumping, too, and grew more and more embarrassed by the second. But he already said it, and he couldn’t go back. So instead of running away, Haru stared at him head-on. 

Finally, Makoto let out a shaky breath. “...Okay. If you’re alright with that, Haru, please…” 

Nothing more needed to be said. Haru silently slipped into the covers and found himself once again surrounded by Makoto’s warmth, and reacted by stiffly lying flat on his back, as Makoto did the same. 

_ BOOM-- _

Makoto yelped and wrapped his thick, strong arms around Haru’s waist, burying his head into Haru’s chest. Haru sucked in a breath through his nose and tried to will his heart to just calm down, but couldn’t. He tried to focus on Makoto’s fear and how concerning it was and began to feel his own heart calming down, just a little, as this new purpose came to mind. Haru slowly wrapped his arms around Makoto, not sure what else to do. 

Makoto let out a shuddering breath and tightened his grip around Haru’s waist, to the extent that the ache that persisted all day in Haru’s heart grew so intense, he could scarcely breathe.

“It’s okay,” Haru whispered. “It’ll be okay.” 

Makoto’s breathing was sharp and unsteady, but after Haru’s words, it began to slow and grow quieter. 

Haru let Makoto take his time, and sure enough, Makoto was no longer trembling as much, and Haru only felt soft, deep breaths warm his skin underneath the fabric of his shirt. 

Time passed. Makoto’s vice-like grip gradually relaxed, and Haru did too as he welcomed the much-needed warmth Makoto gave him in this chilly night. He began to doze a little after a while of listening to the rain, and almost finally fell asleep if not for Makoto’s lips moving against his chest. 

“I’m sorry, Haru,” his voice was strangely rough, as if he was in pain, and before Haru could respond he felt hot tears wet his shirt and seep into his skin. Haru blinked rapidly as an ache pierced through his chest, unlike anything he’d ever felt before, and as if on instinct, he pulled Makoto closer without a second thought. 

“Makoto,” he whispered, and Makoto was shaking again as more and more of his tears burned into Haru’s chest. “I’m so sorry...Haru...that I’m like this...that I somehow frighten people...even though I’m the one who’s afraid...” Haru’s mind was reeling from confusion and shock as he tried to take in what he was saying. “I was so afraid...I hurt him...and now I can’t swim because it just reminds me how--” Makoto choked on a sob and trembled harder as more hot tears spilled into Haru’s chest.

Haru could barely decipher what it was that Makoto was saying, but he knew it explained, just a little, why exactly Makoto reacted the way he did with Rin. He didn’t know who it was that Makoto was crying for, or what Makoto did, but he did know that there was no way that Makoto could ever intentionally hurt anyone, not when Makoto was holding him so tightly and sobbing into his chest because he thought he had hurt someone he clearly cared deeply for. And he knew, more than anything, that he did not want Makoto to hate himself because of it. 

He realized, then, that he honestly did not care whatever Makoto had done. The Makoto he knew was kind, gentle, strong, and yet heartbreakingly fragile, and he wanted to protect him from this pain at all costs, just as Makoto had protected him.

But he could not tell Makoto because he knew deep down that there was no erasing this pain that Makoto felt, and so he just pulled him closer, so overwhelmed by his own feelings that he was still awake by the time Makoto cried himself to sleep.

  
The storm outside calmed and eventually ceased altogether, but the one in Haru’s heart pushed on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I would like to apologize a thousand times for not updating in so long. When writer's block hits me, it hits me hard. I had a lot of issues trying to figure out this story because I thought I knew where it was going, but once I started writing it out (in this chapter) I began to dislike it. This long hiatus was not only because I was busy for so long, but because I was trying to figure out how I could write it in a way that made me feel confident in this story again. Now, I think I am finally satisfied with what I have written, and even though I am incredibly rusty compared to before (this year has been a whirlwind, let me tell you), I put my heart and soul into this and I hope you will continue to read this story and feel more love for this pairing as I do when I write for them.


	5. Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Makoto, it’s for you.”
> 
> Makoto whined a little and rolled over. “Who is it? I can call them back later.”
> 
> Haru picked up his phone, but stood still once he saw who it was from.
> 
> Haru hesitated. “It’s...Yamazaki Sousuke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a long time coming. hope you enjoy

Haru sits beside himself in a sea of dark, greyish blue.

“There’s no need to rely on other people,” a voice echoes. It strangely sounds like his own voice.

“I’m okay with that,” he murmured, slightly annoyed. He looks down upon the sea, at his reflection, and finds himself bored, like he always is. Suddenly, he sees a twinkle of light, something calling him from underneath the water. He leans forward, squinting, and slowly taps the surface, and suddenly, he’s being pulled down, down, _down_ , _fast_ , and he’s falling, and he can’t breathe—

Haru gasped, his eyes snapping open to see Makoto’s fluffy, brown bed-head at his chest. Before he realized it, his heaving chest stirs Makoto awake, and Makoto lifted his head up, rubbing at his eyes, confused.

“H…Haru?”

Haru’s face burned. The dream is now fading away rapidly, but all he knows is that right now, he feels ashamed at waking Makoto up and yet overwhelmed as the memories of last night come flooding back to him. Makoto became aware enough to notice Haru’s expression, and his eyebrows draw together in worry.

“Haru? Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?”

Makoto gently placed his warm hands onto Haru’s shoulders, and Haru’s face grew even warmer as he realized that their arms were practically wrapped around each other. What was happening to him?

Haru slid his arms out from around Makoto’s body. “I...I’m okay,” Haru stated slowly, not knowing why he feels so horrible all of a sudden. Makoto pulled back and nods, looking at Haru worriedly, obviously not buying it.

“...Alright. You can always talk to me, you know. And…” Makoto sighed, a look of shame passing over his face. He looked down and rubbed at his neck, another thing Haru noticed he does when he’s embarrassed.

“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t expect...I didn’t mean…”

This time, Haru had to say something.

“It’s alright.”

Makoto looked up, his eyes widening. “No, no it’s not! Haru, I…”

“You...you can always talk to me,” Haru murmured, and looked away at how embarrassing the words are and how he is saying Makoto’s words back to him, but he didn’t know how else to put it. His heart was almost deafening in his ears now, and he could feel Makoto’s smile.

“Haru…”

Haru rolled out of bed and sat up suddenly, his world spinning. “Breakfast,” he stated, as if he felt like Makoto didn’t need any other information, and he stood up, not caring about his bedhead.

“H-Haru! What…”

“I’ll cook. You can just wait at the table,” Haru ordered, his face still feeling like it was on fire. He needed to move away from Makoto, now.

“I’ll help--”

“No.”

 

******

They eat, and Makoto sighs, constantly typing on his phone.

“I’m sorry Haru,” Makoto says in between slipping pieces of rice and egg into his mouth, and Haru is trying his best to not let his eyes linger on Makoto’s lips, which he keeps on catching himself doing lately. “My parents...they’re super worried. I kind of just left abruptly last night, and so after breakfast I have to go back and take care of things at home…”

It took a few moments for Haru to respond. “Okay,” he managed, trying to focus on his food.

“I really appreciated your company last night, Haru.” Makoto put down his chopsticks, his plate clean. Haru paused and looked up at him, his heart racing yet again. His throat dry, Haru didn’t know what else to do but blankly stare at him.

Makoto had a soft smile on his face, his eyes warm, and Haru found himself frozen in place.  He felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Let me know if you need anything, okay? I’m just a few minutes away.” Makoto laughed softly and then stood up to put his plates away.

Still unable to speak, Haru tried to swallow his feelings as he stood and did the same, trying to ignore how his heart would skip a beat as they stood together at the sink, as their elbows bumped against the other as they they washed their dishes in silence. Haru thought that usually, silences like this were found as awkward, but for some reason, this one wasn’t. There was something in the air, and Haru didn’t know what it was, but it felt like it was surrounding him, filling his lungs, speeding up the rate of his heart--and it was all because of Makoto.

Once they were finished, he silently followed Makoto to the door, and watched him as he put on his shoes and smiled at him once again.

“I’ll see you later?”

Haru nodded, still unable to speak, and Makoto left, closing the door behind him.

Haru let out a breath he felt like he’s been holding this entire time, and he rushed into his bedroom and fell face first onto the futon that he and Makoto shared, clenching the bedsheets and pulling it close to him, breathing into Makoto’s scent--something he didn’t know he’d like so much. He likes it too much.

Haru had no idea what was happening to him.

 

*****

 

Makoto couldn’t stop smiling to himself all the way home, his heart pounding pleasantly in his chest. _He’s too cute.._

He sighed as he put his backpack down in his room, connected his phone which had died overnight to his charger, and collapsed onto his bed, sighing to himself. As cute as he was, he really wished Haru was able to confide in him more. His heart just wouldn’t calm down. It felt like forever since he’d felt like this..not since…

Memories flashed through his mind and he swallowed, his heart aching again. He rolled over and sighed again, and jolted when his phone vibrated next to him, indicating a text or a voicemail. He hummed to himself as he picked up his phone, peering at the notification on his screen.

__Voicemail - Yamazaki Soususke_ _

 

His entire body froze. His heart pounding, Makoto swallowed as he opened up his phone and tapped on the voicemail, putting the screen to his ear.

“Makoto...it’s been a while.”

Makoto tensed, feeling like his chest might explode at any moment.

“I’ve called you so many times, to no response..I decided to leave this, for the chance that you might listen.” There was silence. “I...I hope you’re alright. I’m doing okay. But I...I miss you.”

Makoto exhaled shakily and clenched his fists, his vision suddenly blurring with tears.

“I...know you don’t feel the same way anymore. And...I’m sorry how I treated you, until the very end. I was going through a lot, and...I should have told you everything. But I...I never got the chance to tell you, fully, how I really feel. How I still feel.”

Makoto couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sousuke was rarely ever this expressive, and he could tell that Sousuke was struggling to form the words.

“I just want to see you again. I...you just left, without a word. I...please. You don’t even have to do much. Just let me know where you are, and I’ll come and see you. And...and...well, listen to me, okay? That life wasn’t for me, anyway. But I can swim for one last year. So, I’ll take it. Because, if...if anything else... “

Makoto sucked in a sharp breath at the sound of Sousuke’s unstable breathing, as if he was also holding back tears. His mind reeling, he tried his best to listen and not feel too overwhelmed by what was happening. Makoto pressed the phone closer to his ear.

“If you refuse to answer this voicemail, then at least...wherever you are…” Sousuke sighed. “If you’re still swimming...I...I will definitely see you again. So I have to take that chance. I...I know how much you love swimming, and I know how much Tokitsu ruined that for you. But...please...I hope...most of all...that you didn’t stop because of me, okay? Swear--” Sousuke paused for a moment and let out a soft, bitter laugh.

“...I wish I could make you swear to it...that you didn’t stop because of me. But...you’re not here.”

Makoto couldn’t stop his tears now. He curled up in a ball, gasping for breath. _I’m sorry, Sousuke…_

“I want you to know...I want you to know that I haven’t stopped thinking about you ever since you left.”

Makoto covered his mouth to muffle his pained cries, his body shaking uncontrollably. He felt like was going to break. His chest was tearing apart, pain ripping through his body like ice.

“I still love you, Makoto.”

 

****

“Makoto?”

Haru’s eyes were razor sharp as he looked at Makoto’s face, immediately feeling that something was wrong. Makoto had dark circles under his eyes, and he seemed exhausted.

Makoto glanced over at Haru, unable to fully make eye contact with him. He smiled weakly.

“What is it, Haru?”

“Are you okay? We have to go inside.”

Makoto grimaced for a split second before smiling at him again, and nodded. “I know.”

Haru’s brows furrowed in worry, but Haru made himself look away to enter the room in front of them, making room for Makoto to enter, as well. He saw Amakata-sensei’s smiling face, and looked away as he sat, Makoto settling into the chair next to him.

“Now boys, I know both of you have been through a lot. I was able to request an extension on behalf of both of you, but...as it is with every year, you are required to join at least one club or as for you, Haru, still continue the club activities you joined last year.”

Makoto and Haru blinked, obviously completely forgetting about that requirement.

“You will have one week to decide. I’m sorry I cannot extend it longer.” Amakata sensei looked truly apologetic, and Makoto gave her an appreciative smile.

“It’s fine, Amakata-sensei. Thank you for always watching out for us. We’ll find one for sure.”

Amakata-sensei nodded, relief spreading over her face. “I’m glad to hear that. If any of you find any trouble, let me know, okay? And Makoto...I know you used to swim. Fortunately, the swimming team happens to be coming back this year! I happen to be the team’s advisor.”  She gave them a friendly smile.

Haru looked over at Makoto to gauge his reaction, and Makoto’s false smile was completely on like a mask, his eyes curved upwards with his lips. “Yes, I’ve heard. Thank you, Amakata-sensei.”

Haru stared at Makoto, his heart pounding in fear.  Haru felt a wall between the two of them. Just when he thought he had broken it down, a new one had come up.

Perhaps there were always walls--walls that he had never seen, until now.

 

*****

 

“We’re so sorry!” Rei, Nagisa, and Rin apologized in unison, bowing to Makoto at a perfect 90 degree angle. Makoto blushed and waved his hands around, flustered.

“It’s alright, really…”

Makoto and Haru were eating their lunch together on the roof as they usually did, but the atmosphere was so tense, Haru didn’t like it at all. Right before Haru was going to finally ask Makoto what was really going on, Rin, Nagisa, and Rei burst onto the roof. Haru was irritated, but he was glad that at least he was interrupted for a good reason.

“No, it’s not! I shouldn’t have said what I said, Tachibana-senpai,” Rei stated gravely, and Rin and Nagisa nodded.

“I shouldn’t have pestered you as much as I did. I was just getting desperate. We’ll look for other members--there’s no need for you to join us if you don’t want to, Tachibana,” Rin added, bowing even farther, and Makoto laughed nervously.

“...Thank you, Matsuoka-san….but you can stop bowing now. Really, it’s fine…”

Haru looked over at the situation, feeling more at ease now that he saw how apologetic they were for how they treated Makoto, as they should be. Rin glanced up at his face before letting out a sigh, finally straightening his back along with Nagisa and Rei.

“...I still think Nanase should join, though.”

Rin grinned a little at Haru, and Haru’s attention was captured by him now, looking at Rin with a bewildered expression.

“Excuse me?”

“C’mon Haru-chan, it’ll be fun!” Nagisa beamed.

Rei adjusted his glasses, its lens reflecting the sunlight. “We hear that you have quite an affinity for water. Every time it gets warm, people see you stripping and diving into the ocean as soon as you are able. People in Iwatobi talk, you know? It’s a small town.”

“Eh?! H-Haru?! Don’t tell me you actually wanted to join and just didn’t tell me?” Makoto gaped at Haru, hurt present in his green eyes. Haru flushed and looked away.

“It’s fine, really.”

“No, it’s not--!” Makoto whined, and Rin cackled, his red eyes gleaming in the sun. Haru glared at him. What was with this guy? He didn’t like him at all. It seemed like Rin enjoyed messing with him.

“So is it official, then? Haru? Will you join us?”

“No. It’s too much trouble,” Haru stated matter-of-factly, but to his utter annoyance, Rin did not falter.

“Think about it, Haru. If you join, and help set up the pool, you can have the pool during the school day, right after school, on the weekends…”

Haru stiffened, his heart leaping in his chest at the very thought. Makoto blinked at his reaction and covered his mouth, stifling laughter.

Haru’s eyes widened and he glared at Makoto. “Why are you laughing?”  
  
Makoto let a few giggles escape, staring at Haru incredulously. “It’s just...I’ve never seen you like this before…” He finally laughed, and Haru found it difficult to be mad while seeing him smile so widely.

Makoto finally calmed himself and smiled at Haru affectionately, causing Haru’s heart to skip a beat. “You should join, Haru. Don’t worry about me.”

“But--”

“No buts. Amakata-sensei did say we need to join a club, so think of this as an easy way for you to fulfill that requirement.”

Haru kept on looking at Makoto, and Makoto seemed to read his mind, his face turning a bit pink this time as he let out another soft laugh. “There’s no need to worry about me, Haru. I’ll find something for myself soon.”

  
Haru was silent for a moment, and then turned away and nodded, his eyes cast on the ground as he heard Rin, Nagisa, and Rei give out whooping shouts of victory.

 

****

 

“Alright, Haru. First let me take you through our stretches.” Rin instructed, and Haru stared at him blankly as Rin sat on the ground and stretched out towards his feet. “Now, Just do what I do…” Rin let his eyes wander to the bleachers where Makoto was smiling over at Haru, watching him at his first practice. _Are you his boyfriend or his dad? Make up your mind already,_ Rin scoffed in his mind, but he was mostly just jealous that they had a more exciting love life than he did. Makoto’s gaze traveled now to the distance, seemingly in deep thought. Rin couldn’t help but think that although most people think Haru is an enigma, he believed that it was Makoto who was the biggest mystery at this school.

Rin sighed to himself and turned his attention back to Haru, who, obviously not used to being instructed on how to swim for a sport, was stretching improperly. He clicked his tongue and realized, to his delight, that maybe he could have some fun while doing this.

“No, Haru, not like that,” Rin smoothed his voice over to one of fond annoyance, and Haru furrowed his brows at him in response. Rin stood and walked towards Haru. He kneeled behind him and leaned over his shoulder, bringing their faces a bit closer than he would have allowed if this were any other person.

“You need to make your arm straighter, like this,” he murmured, and he gently gripped Haru’s bicep and straightened it out. “Your knees are slightly bent, too.” He pressed his hand on Haru’s kneecaps, his arms brushing Haru’s as he did so, his firm stomach pressing against Haru’s back.

Rin suddenly felt sharp eyes stab into his back, and Rin suppressed a smile.

 

****

 

“I’ve decided that I’ll join the swim club, too.”

“EH!?!?” Rei and Nagisa shouted in earnest surprise, while Rin grinned at him knowingly. Even Haru’s eyebrows were raised in shock at Makoto’s sudden change of heart.

“W-Why...all of a sudden…” Rei gaped at him, and Makoto had one of those fake smiles that Rin recognized as the one he’d normally give to people other than Haru. But this time, the smile was even more forcibly glazed over, and Rin couldn’t help but do an internal dance for joy at how much he was able to affect Makoto.

Makoto shrugged, his false smile almost blinding. “Well, this isn’t Tokitsu. Our goal isn’t to be the top, so I realized that it would be more fun joining the club here.”

Haru stared at him, his eyes searching, but Makoto refused to make eye contact with him. Rin just grinned wider. Who would have thought it’d be this easy?

 

***

“Hah..I really...feel it...!”

Haru felt his sweat drip down his back as he tried not to stare open mouthed at Makoto’s body, his _back,_ as it flexed and worked in the blazing sun.

  
Makoto looked at him, catching his gaze, and Haru blushed wildly as Makoto let out a shaky laugh.

“What about you, Haru?”

Haru had no idea what he was feeling. “Um,”

Suddenly an arm wrapped around Haru’s shoulders and a horribly familiar grin slipped into the corner of his eyes as fingers lightly placed themselves on his chin, pressing it upwards and closing his mouth.

“You’re nearly drooling, Haru. Keep it together.” Rin smirked and released him.

Haru’s felt something like something akin to a rock fall into his stomach. His eyes widened in protest, staring at Rin in absolute rage. Makoto’s face turned pink and he tried to busy himself again, but the damage had been done.

  
“What are you talking about, Rin--?”  Haru started, his voice dangerously low, but Rin interrupted him, obviously not having a care in the world.

  
“Ah, you’re calling me by my first name now? I feel flattered.” Rin stuck his tongue out and began cleaning vigorously with his broom, obviously trying to show off his own muscles. Haru felt his eyes drop into a bored, unimpressed look. Nagisa laughed and threw a bucket of water over Rin, causing Rin to splutter angrily in response and drop his broom.

“Haha, Rin, sorry but your body isn’t as nice and big as Mako-chan’s~”

“Nagisa, you little--!”

“Alright, alright, settle down! We have to finish cleaning the pool by the end of this week! Summer will be here before we know it!” Rei groaned, exasperated, as he was the only one seriously cleaning.

Haru sighed and picked up the broom Rin dropped, and began to work beside Makoto. Makoto’s face was still a bit pink, but he was smiling as he looked at Haru.

“They’re an excitable bunch, aren’t they?”

Haru glanced over at them and scoffed. “More like nuisances,” and Makoto laughed.

“Don’t be like that, Haru,” and Makoto straightened his back as he lifted his broom to scrub at the walls. Haru tried not to stare again at the way his muscles shifted, and decided it wouldn’t hurt to take off his shirt, too. It was too hot, anyway.

Haru sighed nonchalantly and pulled his shirt over his head, earning a whistle from Rin.

“ _Yes_ , Nanase! TAKE IT OFF--”

“RIN, please keep your inappropriate comments to yourself!” Rei scolded for the thousandth time, and Rin grinned at him while Nagisa cheered on Haru.

Now it was Haru’s turn to turn pink. He tossed his shirt over the wall of the pool, and lifted his broom up as Makoto did. As annoyed as he was, he didn’t miss how Makoto’s eyes shifted over to his body, and Haru began to blush harder. He felt insecure all of a sudden, wondering what convinced him to be as bold as to strip in front of Makoto and everyone else here, and, well, Makoto--

“It seems like Rin’s training at the SC has helped you, huh, Haru?”

“Eh?” Haru was snapped out of his trance.

“Your…” Makoto blushed all of a sudden and looked away, scratching at his neck before looking back at him, his eyes a little unfocused. “Your body is...more toned than I expected.”

Makoto knew he said too much, but he said it anyway. Haru’s face was completely red now, and he wondered how this conversation got here, and why he was so embarrassed in the first place. He looked away and continued cleaning.

“Well, it makes no difference to me.”

Makoto laughed a little and continued to clean. Haru couldn’t help but look at him as he pushed his hair back, smiling as sweat dripped from his brow. Haru found it hard to breathe. He’s had difficulty breathing around Makoto before, but...this was...different. He didn’t know what it was, but, he knew he was stepping into dangerous territory.

 

****

 

**Two months later**

**June 29th**

 

Haru and Makoto were both in the middle of a summer training trip with the rest of the team, which took place by the beach on a small island off the mainland.  Everyone was exhausted from practicing in the ocean, but Rin was of course still enthusiastic about dinner. After eating, all of them walked slowly to their shared rooms, five futons placed haphazardly on their tatami mat floor.

Rin collapsed onto his futon and leaned back, letting out a satisfied sigh. “Oooh, my muscles feel great!”

Rei sighed and curled up on his, removing his glasses. “You’re the only one who feels that way, Rin.”

Makoto smiled, fluffing up his pillow. “Well, I actually feel good right now, too.”

Nagisa pouted at him. “Of course _you_ do, Makoto. Our seasoned athlete!” Makoto laughed a little, slightly embarrassed, and Haru tried for the millionth time not to stare at his smile for too long.

Everyone was ready to clock in for the night, the atmosphere brimming with contentedness. These past two months, all of them had grown comfortable with one another. Even Haru, who doesn’t really warm up to anyone, felt a sense of ease now when the others were around. Even Rin, who irritated him, made him feel a bit more at ease, and he would never admit it, but Haru did appreciate him for his honesty.

Haru tried not to stare at Makoto’s peaceful face as he, suddenly self-conscious, decided to fumble with his luggage, trying to make his clothes look neat even though he’d mess it up later, anyways. What’s with him? Why was he so nervous? He’d seen Makoto’s sleepy face before.

Makoto’s phone began to buzz on the table in his room, where Makoto had set aside his bag.

“Makoto, it’s for you.”

Makoto whined a little and rolled over. “Who is it? I can call them back later.”

Haru picked up his phone, but stood still once he saw who it was from.

Haru hesitated. “It’s...Yamazaki Sousuke.”

Haru could feel the stiffness in the room as everyone was suddenly awake at the mention of that name. Haru normally wouldn’t care, but he couldn’t help but remember the times that this name was mentioned over the course over the few months, and how Makoto would stiffen every time and try his best to change the subject. He looked back at Makoto, and knew it was none of his business, but he felt himself wanting to know more and more why Makoto got so upset just at the mention of this man’s name, a man he learned eventually was his classmate and teammate at his old school.

Haru walked over to him and handed over his phone, watching as the color drained from Makoto’s face. Makoto’s eyes were wide now, and it was clear he was panicking internally, knowing that Haru and everyone else was watching him. He blinked rapidly and tapped decline. There was an awkward silence that followed, and after seeing Makoto obviously dealing with inner turmoil just in the span of a few seconds, Haru couldn’t help but break the silence.

“Are you okay, Makoto?”

Obviously he wasn’t okay. Haru hated making obvious comments like this, but he had to ask.

Makoto bit his lip and was silent for a few moments, as if considering something. Haru waited patiently, but he could tell that Makoto was debating whether or not to tell him something important. He hated that he wanted to know so much, but he did. He wanted to know what was bothering Makoto so much the past couple of months, and why he didn’t just tell him what it was from the beginning. It killed him knowing that there was so much he was in the dark about when it came to Makoto. Everyone else’s eyes were on Makoto now after Haru spoke up, clearly wondering, too, but also patient. They were prepared for Makoto to refuse to answer and Haru could tell that they’d be okay with it, as they were always respectful of Makoto’s privacy.

Makoto’s expression faltered once he made eye contact with Haru. Makoto sat up then and gave Haru a small smile. “Haru… are you wondering who Sousuke is? I’m not sure how much the rest of you know, but...”

Everyone sat up once Makoto addressed the rest of them. Rin suddenly had a serious expression on his face, which was rare. Haru’s brows furrowed and he brought his legs close to his chest, his lips curling downwards into a frown. “...It’s not like I want to know who he is. I want to know why he makes you look like that.” Haru’s voice was barely audible, and he looked away once he saw Makoto’s eyes grow wide. This was a rare moment of admission from Haru, as he usually stayed silent or stated things curtly, and Haru himself knew it. He’s just had enough, that’s all.

Rin cleared his throat, trying to diffuse the tension but failing. “Um...well. Rei, Nagisa and I know that he used to be your teammate, and I always thought that you two were close;” It was clear that Rin probably could say more on the topic, but he wisely chose not to. Makoto was silent for a moment.

“Well. I suppose it's time that all of you should know...after all you’re all my teammates and...I trust you. I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together and you all have reminded me how much I love swimming.” Makoto smiled warmly at all of them, but there was something behind that smile that seemed off. “But you have to promise that whatever I say, here and now, must stay in this room. You can’t tell anyone. Not for my sake, but for Sousuke’s.”

Makoto wasn’t smiling now. He was looking at each of them carefully,  and Haru could feel the moment everyone realized the seriousness of the situation. Rin’s eyes were wide, and he nodded once Makoto looked at him. “...Of course, Mako-chan,” Nagisa said quietly, fear present in his eyes. Rei adjusted his glasses and nodded, too, but also looked a afraid of what he was about to hear. Haru was silent but he expressed his agreement through his eyes, which of course, Makoto understood.

  
After evaluating all of them, Makoto began to speak. “...Sousuke is…” Makoto seemed to struggle with his words. He then let out a sigh. “Sousuke was someone...very dear to me. Well. I...I should be completely honest. He was...my boyfriend.  I’m...I'm gay.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Rin let out a shout of glee. Nagisa snorted and covered his mouth, his eyes wide at his own slip-up. Haru glared at them and Rei covered his face with his hands, embarrassed for the both of them.

Makoto’s lips quirked up a bit, as if he knew Rin would react that way. Actually, everyone knew that he would. After all, Rin never kept his sexuality a secret and made it as apparent as often as he could. Rin grinned at him. “I knew it! Anyways--” Rin cleared his throat and his face smoothed over into a more serious expression. “Sorry. Continue.”

Makoto looked over at Haru, and Haru’s eyes widened as he realized Makoto was waiting for his response. “I...I hope you don’t think less of me, Haru.” Haru’s heart stopped.

“Wait, Haruka didn’t know?” Rin looked at Haru, honestly bewildered, and Rei shushed him, angry at how he interrupted their moment. Rin rolled his eyes but stayed quiet, eyes on Haru. Haru ignored Rin and made eye contact with Makoto, trying to make sure Makoto understood the meaning of his words. “Makoto is still Makoto,” Haru stated without hesitation, and Makoto laughed softly, his face turning a little pink.

“...I’m glad to hear you say that.” Makoto smiled warmly at him and Haru bit his lip, his heart skipping a beat. Makoto then continued. “...Um. I’m not sure how much in detail all of you want to know.”

“Everything. Tell us everything. Sousuke is _smoking hot_ , you know? I’ve always had a thing for him, ever since I saw him on TV. How was he as a boyfriend? Was he good at se--”

“ _OH MY GOD_ , Rin, _shut up_.” Rei smacked Rin on his shoulder and Rin yelped, while Nagisa covered his mouth to muffle more laughter. Haru glared _daggers_ at Rin and Makoto laughed, unable to help himself, although his face was completely flushed pink now. Haru felt a pang in his chest at the sight of Makoto blushing because of someone else. He suddenly felt something unpleasant curl in his stomach, and he didn’t know why or what it was.

“Um...so anyway...basically, I was shy and had trouble keeping up with the swim team. I only tried out because a friend told me I should, and somehow I got in. But Sousuke was the top swimmer and helped me, so we spent time together after practice and…” Makoto trailed off for a moment. “One day, he confessed to me. And I accepted his confession. We dated for a year. It was in secret, of course--but not only because of what you’d typically expect. He had to be extra cautious, because his dad…” Makoto’s expression changed into one that was rather somber, his eyebrows drawing together and his mouth pressing together in a thin line. “His dad...I’m sure you know this Rin, but his dad is...a rather... _powerful_ figure in the swimming world. He was our coach and his strict nature is the reason why Tokitsu is so successful every year. He worked us to the bone, even to the point of making other members vomit when they first started practicing, or even quit because it was just too much. If it wasn't for Sousuke, I definitely would have quit early on.” Makoto sighed softly at the memory, and continued.

“...I...can’t imagine what he made Sousuke do, but Sousuke was the best swimmer on our team, enough to make the top ten national ranking. More than anything, he cared about keeping Sousuke’s reputation squeaky clean. And…” Makoto’s eyes lowered. “He was rather...open about his homophobia. Every time rumors came up that a certain athletic pair were gay or dating, he would be aggressive about his insults, at least Sousuke told me. Sousuke’s biggest fear was him finding out that he was gay, to the extent that he thought he would never date in high school. But then...then he met me.” Makoto blushed and ran his fingers through his hair, pressing his palm against his forehead in embarrassment. Haru swallowed, the pain in his chest growing stronger. Nagisa let out a soft coo, a smile on his face. Everyone else was also smiling, except for Haru.

“Everything was well for a while, but...I began to feel..uncertain about our relationship. Sousuke began to act strangely, and I had a feeling it most likely had to something to do with his dad, but Sousuke wasn’t telling me. At first I just wrote off his strange, distant behavior as temporary. It was our first relationship, after all--neither of us really knew what we were doing. But when we spent time together, it was just…” Makoto bit his lip. “We didn’t do...much talking anymore.” Makoto was silent for a moment, and an expression of understanding crossed Rin’s face, his face solemn. Haru furrowed his brow, confused. What did he mean?

Makoto continued. “I could tell he was tired and stressed from something, but he wouldn’t tell me. I was worried, but I wanted to respect his privacy. I thought that he’d just tell me when he was ready, so I let him do whatever he wanted to...to help relieve his stress. But it went on for too long. I felt...unsatisfied, and upset that he still wasn’t telling me and that he thought I’d be ok with our relationship going the way it was.” Makoto brought his legs close to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around his body. “I felt like...it was like he was just using me as an escape since his dad always controlled him so harshly, in every other part of his life.  I began to think deeply about our relationship, and I realized it may have been like that from the beginning. It just made sense, considering how fast our relationship went. And it hurt that he didn’t trust me enough to just tell me whatever it was he was thinking. I tried several times to just get him to talk to me earnestly, but it never worked. I began to be fed up with it and what I used to feel for him...began to fade. I decided that I was going to break up with him.

“The day I was going to do it, however, I noticed that that something was wrong. Whenever Sousuke swam, he looked like he was suffering. He would always grab his shoulder and massage it, and I noticed it began to look a little red, but I didn’t think too seriously about it. During our extra practice session, when it was just the two of us, I was going to ask him about it. But before I could, he...uh, began to do what we usually do.” His face darkened in color. “But this time, I stopped him and tried to confront him about it. It seemed like he knew that I was going to break up with him, but he kept on trying to avoid the subject. I...got angry. But even though I got angry, he just...” Makoto’s face was entirely red now as his memories came flooding back. “He...kissed me instead. Even though I was obviously upset. I hated it so much. I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away on instinct, but I...I wasn’t thinking about my strength, I was...I was too rough. He fell over and landed on his back, and his shoulder took the brunt of the impact. Sousuke was in serious pain. I realized, then, my mistake and why he looked the way he did at practice. His shoulder was seriously wearing out because of overpractice, to the point of permanent damage. But before I could apologize, I saw that his dad was there, staring at us. He…” Makoto shivered. “...He had the most terrifying expression on his face. He’d seen the whole thing.”

The room was deathly silent. Everyone’s eyes were wide, and Haru felt the dread build in his stomach as he realized what he would say next. Everything began to click into place.

“...I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared. I apologized desperately and moved to help Sousuke up, but his father yelled at me to stay away from him. I froze, and Sousuke froze too as he realized what the situation was. Sousuke forced himself up and stood in front of me, like...like he was going to protect me from him. He shouted at his dad that it wasn’t what it looked like, and that it was his fault, not mine,  but his father overpowered him. He kept on shouting at the surrounding area that I had attacked his son. The security around the building came in and took me away from him, and held Sousuke back, even though he was shouting for me and for them to stop.

There was a horrible silence. Makoto swallowed, clearly having difficulty with his next words. “Then...I was put on trial. Sousuke wasn’t allowed to testify. It was clear that everything had been set up against me, and the story was that I had pushed Sousuke down out of aggression and injured his shoulder. The damage wasn’t enough for me to be put in jail, but I had to be expelled for violent conduct. t was obvious to me then I wasn’t allowed to see Sousuke, ever again. No one but Sousuke, me, and his father knows the truth.” He paused, and Haru’s lips parted as he saw Makoto’s eyes brimming with tears. “And now you all know, too.”

“S-so...that’s why. That’s why when I see his name, I can’t help but feel....guilt...and pain…” Makoto curled his fingers into a fist against his chest, bundling up the cloth of his shirt. He lowered his face, his bangs hiding his eyes. “I feel like...it’s my fault. If I hadn’t let my anger get the better of me--If I hadn’t pushed him, his shoulder wouldn’t have gotten worse, and if maybe I’d suggested that we move to another place, his father wouldn’t have seen, I-I…” Makoto was trembling now, and he buried his head into his arms, muffling his sobs. “And he—he still wants to see me…! Sousuke…despite what I did....! He keeps on calling me...I-I was hesitant to join the swimming club because I knew if we competed, I’d probably see him again. But two--two months ago...he—he left me a voicemail saying that he’d still swim even though he shouldn’t anymore, because he’s hoping that I didn’t quit swimming b-because of him! So that’s why I—“ Makoto choked on a sob, and Haru felt his heart break. “That’s why I finally decided to join. Because I—I need to face him. If he’s doing all that for me, I—I need to meet him and receive his feelings honestly, and apologize…!”

Everyone stared at him in shocked silence. The room echoed with Makoto’s pained cries, after a heartbeat, Rin finally spoke up. “Makoto,” he said softly. He walked over to Makoto and sat next to him, gently placing his hand on his shoulder. “I’m glad that you decided to face him despite everything. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that you’re incredible and brave for doing that. But, really, Makoto...It’s not your fault.”

“But it is!” Makoto looked up at him, in complete and utter despair, his eyes overflowing with tears. “I...I _hurt_ him!”

“It’s _not_ your fault.” Rin said firmly, fire _burning_ in his red eyes, searing into Makoto’s. Makoto’s eyes widened and he fell silent. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s his dad’s. He...he was probably the reason why Sousuke didn’t want to talk about it. But Sousuke should have realized sooner that he should have trusted you, too.” Rin’s grip on Makoto visibly hardened. “He hurt you too, Makoto, and that’s why you reacted the way you did. He...no one is perfect. When you’re in a relationship...a _real_ one, you can’t help but hurt each other. But his shoulder...his dad...you’re not responsible for any of that, Makoto.” 

Makoto stared at Rin, wide-eyed, and then he visibly broke in front of him, his head collapsing into Rin’s shoulder. He let out a cry that was the most honest and heartbreaking that Haru had ever heard from Makoto, even more than the ones he heard two months ago, as he spilled his tears onto Rin’s chest. Rin wrapped his arms around Makoto, holding him close. Haru was absolutely still. He had no idea what to do, and was suddenly glad Rin was there--Rin, who always knew what to say.

Nagisa had a sad, sympathetic expression on his face. He moved close to them and wrapped his arms around Makoto, too, around his waist, and rested his head on his back, closing his eyes. “I agree. It’s not your fault, Makoto. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Rei even had tears pooling at the corner of his eyes and he threw himself onto Makoto’s side, pulling an “oof” from Rin’s lips at his weight. “I’m so sorry, Makoto-senpai!”

Makoto let out a soft laugh, and he cried even more, burying his head onto Rin’s chest. Nagisa smiled a little, tears also falling down his cheek. Rin pulled them close and staring at Haru pointedly now, waiting for him to join, and Haru swallowed. Rin raised his eyebrow and lifted his hand slightly to gesture at him to come.

Haru slowly came over, his heart hurting, but also having no idea what he was supposed to do. There was no room left. .He saw Rin roll his eyes and he pointed down. Following his finger, Haru saw that Rin was pointing at Makoto’s hand, which was poking out from everyone’s bodies, resting on his knee. Haru bit his lip and slowly took it, causing Makoto to lift his head and look at Haru.

Haru couldn’t say anything. He was filled with so many mixed emotions, but most of all, he was at a loss of what to say. Makoto had been through so much. But if anything, he did agree with everyone else that it was in no way Makoto’s fault. He gripped Makoto’s hand tighter, and hoped Makoto understood what he felt, even without saying it. He trusted that he did. He always did.

Makoto smiled softly at Haru, understanding. More tears spilled from Makoto’s eyes and he closed them, gripping Haru’s hand tightly and leaning into everyone.

“Thank you, everyone.”

 

****

 

A long moment past and they had separated, but things felt...different now. They now shared a secret, a bond that felt strong and tightly woven between them. Everyone was wiping their tears away now as they were getting ready to sleep.

“Ugh, I haven’t cried like that in a while...I’m exhausted,” Nagisa moaned, and rubbed at his eyes, still puffy from crying. Makoto laughed softly, his face similarly exhibiting evidence of his tears. “We can’t sleep yet though.”

Nagisa stopped wiping his eyes and a sly grin graced his lips. Everyone else was smiling, but Haru realized he was out of the loop for something. “What?”

“It’s midnight!” Rin suddenly stood up and brought something out of the fridge, something that looked like a white box. He placed it on the table in the middle of the room, and pulled open the box.

Haru’s eyes met a beautiful chocolate cake, adorned with strings of white icing and strawberries, with a mackerel-shaped chocolate that read, “Happy Birthday, Haru!”

Haru sat still, his eyes growing wide. Nagisa pulled out a party popper which exploded and covered Haru confetti, while Rei blew into a colorful party blower. Makoto lit the candles as Rin shut off the lights and smiled widely at Haru, his eyes still a little red.

Everyone began to sing, and Haru was in disbelief. With everything that happened, Haru had forgotten that it was his own birthday.

 

***

 

“You’re now 18! Happy that you joined the 18-year-old party, Haru,” Rin grinned at him, gesturing towards him at Makoto as he ate cake. Haru munched on his cake silently, his heart feeling light and happy at everyone’s kindness.

“Thank you, everyone,” he said softly, and everyone smiled at him.

“Any plans for your birthday when we get back home in a few days, Haru?” Nagisa mumbled with food in his mouth, earning a judgmental look from Rei.

Haru shook his head. “No...I usually don’t really do anything for my birthday. To be honest, I forgot it was today.” Nagisa spluttered in response and spit directly in Rin’s face. Makoto’s eyes widened and he swiftly covered his mouth, but everyone heard a laugh escape from his lips. Rin stood up and glared at Nagisa, rolling up his sleeve. “...Nagisa….” Nagisa squealed and placed his plate on the table before getting up to run. “Oh no, you’re not escaping me!” Rin growled and tackled him onto the futon, attacking him with tickles. Nagisa burst out laughing.

“Wipe this off my face, dammit!” Rin shouted at him, even though he was laughing himself. Rei sighed but smiled at them fondly, and Haru tried his best to hold it on, but let out a tiny laugh himself. Luckily, Rei, Rin, or Nagisa didn’t notice.

But Makoto did. “Haru,” Makoto whispered, and scooted next to him, his eyes gleaming. Haru blushed and looked away. As they looked at them fooling around, Haru felt the world around them slow to standstill--just Haru and Makoto sitting side by side, looking at these new friends that they made.

“You should really smile more.” Haru looked at Makoto, about to frown, but saw that Makoto was directing a teasing smile at him. Haru realized how close Makoto was and felt his cheeks burn even more, and turned away again. He still didn’t know what to say to him. How could Makoto tell his story, so full of heaviness, and still smile at him like he hadn’t had a care in the world? He had underestimated Makoto. There was so much he still had to process. Makoto’s past...and Sousuke… Makoto would have to face him despite all of his guilt...and he must be scared, too, because he might have to encounter Sousuke’s father as well. And at the same time, Haru kept on having all of these confusing feelings for Makoto. Why did being around Makoto hurt so much now, but also feel...so pleasant? He still wanted to be at his side, as Makoto has been all this time. But now, he’d think of what he said and his past with another man, and why did that make him feel so complicated?

“Haru.”

Haruka looked up at him, afraid. Makoto saw the fear in his eyes and took his hand, gripping it firmly. It was like it was just the two of them now. Rin’s and Nagisa’s screams and Rei’s laughter suddenly seemed like it was just background noise, compared to the thudding of his heartbeat.

“Don’t worry. I’m fine now.” He softly stroked the back of Haru’s hand, his face softly lit by the of candlelight, his emerald eyes glowing and filling up his field of vision. “Because you’re with me.”

Haru felt all his tension fall away at those words, and suddenly, he felt weak. He swallowed, light-headed now that he realized how close Makoto was. He could barely breathe, but he slid their fingers together, holding his hand tightly.

He wondered if this was close to what drowning felt like.

 

***

 

A persistent knocking woke Haru from his deep slumber. He rolled around, irritated at the disturbance.

“Someone get that. Please,” Rin groaned, and Haru heard a soft thump, which was presumably Rin throwing a pillow over his head. He heard someone slowly get up and pad towards the door, yawning, and Haru sleepily recognized it as Makoto. He heard Makoto slid the door open. “Who is i--”

Makoto fell silent. Haru suddenly heard heavy breathing from an unfamiliar, deep voice.

“Makoto…”

Haru heard Rin gasp next to him and sit up rapidly. Haru sat up as well and rubbed at his eyes, wondering what the hell all this commotion was about. His eyes opened to see Makoto in his pajamas and his full-on bed head, his face pale. All of a sudden, Haru was wide awake.

In front of Makoto was a tall man, tanned and with disheveled, dark hair, and teal blue eyes, wearing a white windbreaker with the word _Tokitsu_ emblazoned in blue on his left breast. His identity was as clear as day, with the way he was looking at Makoto--filled with pain, adoration, and longing. Haru felt his heart sink.

“Sou...Sousuke,” Makoto breathed, his voice shaking.

Haru felt his world collapse around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot apologize enough for how long it's taken me to write this. considering the heaviness of this chapter, I hope you all can understand why I found it difficult for me to write. lots of things have happened in my life as well, causing me to always push it back. 
> 
> I had this drafted for a long while now but I kept on changing it, unsure of what I was satisfied with until now. my mind is now more clear on how I want to write this story and I do intend on finishing it--no matter how long it takes. please bear with me, and if there are any of you who have read this story since the beginning and have returned to read this new chapter, thank you so, so much. 
> 
> i'd also like to thank Mika81, who commented on chapter 4 a few weeks ago and made me think of this story again. I'd always had it in the back of my mind, but her comment made me revisit my draft and helped cause me to think critically about this chapter again which resulted in me deciding how I was going to execute it, and finally finishing it. 
> 
> it really has been a long time coming. i've gone through lots of ups and downs with my writing, but lately I've been realizing my love for writing again. I really do feel rustier, more than ever, but I want to keep on writing because it helps me feel stable again, and just happier in general. thank you so much for being with me on my journey with writing, which is far, far from over.
> 
> also, FREE SEASON 3 IS HAPPENING THIS SUMMER. WOW. new content usually inspires me hella, so there will likely be more free! works from me in the future! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Was suddenly hit with inspiration tonight and couldn't help but write this. I'm in love with this couple and characters who seem like delinquents but are actually just put into such situations by circumstance; characters who are terribly awkward and insecure, but have a warm, blazing heart within them.
> 
> I don't know how long this'll be yet, but I'm aiming for it to be at least 10 chapters! Hope you enjoyed.


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